Say Love
by theonlyxception
Summary: Slapping the snooze button, I cast a bleary eye towards the early morning light filtering through my blinds. For a moment, I wondered why I was awake when my body was telling me to ignore the fact it was a few minutes before six in the morning and to go back to sleep. Takes place after episode 5x18 "Ghosts"
1. The Story Never Ends

Slapping the snooze button, I cast a bleary eye towards the early morning light filtering through my blinds. For a moment, I wondered why I was awake when my body was telling me to ignore the fact it was a few minutes before six in the morning and to go back to sleep. Despite my deep protest, Voight gave me the day off and I had the option of coming in on my own accord to fill out the paperwork as long as it was done today.

My head pounded further as I leaned against the bed rest to allow myself to wake up and in an effort to note how much alcohol I had consumed last night to numb my thoughts about going undercover. I had always believed I would feel better knowing Ronald Booth was behind bars for everything he had done. Yet, I held this lack of satisfaction he wasn't paying all his dues. My old partner was still out there somewhere—dead or alive—and I held Booth responsible for his disappearance.

With a yawn, I finally pulled myself out of bed; my body protesting every step I took towards the bathroom. I ignored that ache as I brushed my shirt over the goose egg on my head, which revealed even more bruises dotting across my arms, shoulders, and back. I couldn't help thinking that even though they would fade and stop hurting, the ones inside wouldn't be fading away so quickly.

Although I blamed Booth for what he did, I blamed myself for getting Garrett in the situation in the first place. I longed to go back to New Years' Eve 2014 when I tried to go after Booth myself. We were both drunk, which made the situation even more dangerous than it already was.

I was confident I could get the information I needed to nail him, but Booth had other ideas. Before I knew it, he had me pinned and was pulling down my pants. When I tried to fight him off, his knuckles collided with every part of my face. I thought this was it-I was going to die alone. Then through blurry vision, I witnessed a scuffle and Garrett's voice telling me he was here and everything was going to be okay as He led me to the car. He drove me to the hospital and made sure I was safe and taken care of. When he didn't show up to pick me up after being discharged, that's when I knew. I wanted to go looking for him but my boss wanted me on a plane back to Michigan.

Sighing heavily, I had always regretted not fighting harder. Garrett had risked his life for me, and I had done nothing to find him until it was too late.

I shuddered at the thought, my guilt enveloping me as I finished undressing and stepped into the warm water of the shower. I stayed like that for several minutes before absently lathering my hair and body. I only rinsed off when the water grew cold and pulled me from my thoughts as I finally turned the knob and wrapped a towel around my body.

Even though I rarely spent much time on myself in the mornings, I hurried and dried my hair and walked back into the bedroom. To keep myself from thinking too much about how guilty I felt or what steps to take next, I focused on getting ready for the day. I pulled on a red sweater and a pair of dark jeans before grabbing my keys, badge, and gun off the nightstand and made the ten-minute drive to the office.

When I arrived, I parked in my designated spot and was relieved no one from Intelligence was here yet. My luck continued as I walked through the front door to see Platt helping someone already so I was able to buzz myself upstairs. Although a lot of the time there was one of us was here finishing up paperwork, it looked as if I was alone this morning.

This was the first time I had officially been back to the office since I had come back from being undercover. I felt a major deja vu when I had been with Jay. I knew it had been wrong to continue seeking Booth. However, I knew I couldn't let him slip away again. I was just glad the same thing didn't happen to Jay as it did for Garrett.

Grabbing a report from my desk drawer, I busied myself by writing down everything from where we met with Booth in the parking lot, to the scuffle in the stairwell. I left out how I wanted to kill Booth for everything he had done and instead put my actions as self-defense.

Just as I was finishing up my report, I heard the subtle buzz and click of the gate leading to Intelligence. My mind went through a guessing game of who it was as I stood up from my chair and walked over to Voight's office. When I turned around to walk back, Adam was placing his coat over his desk chair as he glanced over at me with the same concern Jay had given me last night after he had come over to check on me.

"Did you need something Ruzek?"

"Just wondering how you're doing. You bolted out of there pretty quickly last night."

"Not sure I had much of a choice. Voight wouldn't let me leave unless I promised I got checked out at the hospital. Thanks for the concern."

"Yeah." Pulling out his chair from the desk, he lingered around immediately sitting down. "Look, Hailey. We've all been through things around here, so if there's anything you need."

"Thanks. I'm good though." I stated quietly as I backtracked towards the stairs. "Tell Voight I came by to fill out that report from yesterday."

"Sure."

I nodded my appreciation before walking down the stairs. I managed to pass Kim with only a brief greeting before making my way to the front door. I had my hand on the door when I heard Sergeant Platt calling out to me. Trying not to lose my cool, I took in a deep breath and spun on my heels as I walked back towards the front desk.

"Upton, just the person I needed to see."

"You do know I'm not working today. So if it's a case, give it to Ruzek. He just came in." I drummed my fingers on the desk, very eager to start heading home.

"I figured you wouldn't be." She stated in her usual fashion as I started walking away. "From what I heard, you did some good work, but that's not actually why I called you over here." I followed her gaze toward the conference room where a woman with black curly hair sat on the floor with a little girl with blonde hair. "It seems as if you have a very eager visitor sitting in the conference room."

"Did she give a name?"

"Let's see. She said her name was—" Platt scanned the visitor's log until she got to the bottom of those who had signed the piece of paper. "Eliza Harwell."

"Thanks," I stated, suddenly realizing how familiar that name seemed to me.

"Yeah, don't mention it." She called out as she picked up the phone next to her while I walked towards the conference room.


	2. Meaningful Words

"Eliza?" I greeted the woman as she turned around to face me. She had a narrow face that complimented her dark skin, while her grey-blue eyes held a softness that was both familiar and oddly comforting to me, which sometimes happened in my line of work. I worked with a lot of different people that when I passed them on the streets or saw them at the store, I wondered if I had seen them before. This time, it was like that but more of a deja vu moment, like I had seen her in my past. "I'm Detective Upton."

"Eliza Harwell." She glanced back at the little girl who was busy coloring at the table. "Do you think we could talk over here privately?" In the little time I had been in the room with her, I could deduct by her manner she was here for professional reasons, although there was something else about her that I couldn't quite put my finger on yet.

"Sure." I agreed reluctantly, following her to the other side of the table so we were facing the wall and just out of earshot from Eva hearing our conversation. I didn't exactly like where this was going even before she said anything. "Detective Upton is it?"

"Please, call me Hailey."

"Hailey. You are quite a hard woman to track down." The way she said my name, brought back the familiarity I was talking about earlier, and I was wracking my mind. It was as if I blanked her out completely. Then again, I always had that thought in my mind that I was just comparing her to someone I had seen before; and what did she mean about me being hard to track down?

"I'm sorry. Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Maybe this will explain why I'm here." She handed me the file while an unsettling feeling came over me. There on the first page was the unmistakable picture of a blond-haired, blue-eyed little girl, the same one who was sitting at that table coloring. If on instinct, I moved the picture over and read the name printed at the top of the paper.

"Eva?" Her name came out more of a surprised whisper as I glanced over my shoulder at the name of the child and it all clicked to why they were here. Are you kidding me? "You've got to be kidding me," I stated, a little louder than I wanted the words to come out. I hoped nobody was standing close to the door or wall listening in to what would most likely be a muffled conversation, thanks to sound barriers constructed in the building.

"I wish I was." Eliza shrugged a little too calmly for my satisfaction. My heart was suddenly racing at facing my past, while my brain was spinning with all the questions in my mind. The one that went through it the most was why was she here? "Look, I've watched the news and know what's going on with the case you just wrapped up. Although, I don't have all the details about what happened and probably will never have them. What I do know is there is a little girl right now who needs you and wants her real mother to care and love her."

"Sorry, but I'm not sure I can trust someone who just comes waltzing in here with a little girl, who I haven't seen since she was a baby." Okay, so I was skeptical about her presence. There were good people who had been fooled, but if someone was playing with me, there were going to learn I wasn't that kind of person they should ever mess with.

"Your boss, Arthur Carson warned me you would be hard to convince." She smiled warmly, folding her arms across her chest as if she were making an attempt to protect herself from all the questions I was about to throw out at her. "He told me you've been through some horrible things, which would make it difficult for you to believe what I was saying was true."

"My old boss sent you here to Chicago?" I questioned in disbelief as I looked over the file again. I learned over and over again how to decipher what could be real or fake and to me, this file seemed legit. She seemed legit. Heck, she had gotten past Trudy and she wasn't an easy person to convince with most anyone. If I hadn't told her about the path we shared, I probably would still be on her bad side, even to this day. I could almost laugh when some unsuspecting person crossed her in the wrong way. I just hoped this wasn't one of them.

"He did, yes." Reaching into her purse, she dug around until she pulled out a white business card. "He told me to give this to you, knowing he couldn't be here himself." Taking the card slowly, I turned it around in my fingers. Again, it all looked legit, but one could never be so sure. On one hand, I had to believe Booth was trying to get to me, even from jail. The timing between his arrest and my daughter showing up was a little too uncanny, even for my taste.

"You might want to look on the back." She hinted, observing me closely as I looked over the card. I read the words scrawled in black pen and somehow I wondered if she was really telling the truth. Could that number on the back really be my boss reaching out to me? "He said you'd probably know what it meant." I read over the words once again and then for the first time I suspected she was telling the truth.

Beata es lu lucerna mea

Those words were ones I hadn't heard in a long time. They pretty much translated to you are the sunshine in my lantern. Even though it sounded cheesy, Garrett would always tell me that whenever he could. If fact, the last person I had confided in with those words from him was my old boss, Arthur Carson. I hadn't told anyone else, so if they had come from some other place besides him, I had to find out who else knew about my past.


	3. To Love and Protect

"Eliza." Eva tugged on the back of her cream-colored shirt, jutting her lower lip out. "I thought we were going to see my mom."

"I'm working on it, honey. Why don't you go draw her a picture?"

"Okay." Eva frowned as she turned back to the table and reached into her pink sparkly bag sitting beside her. She pulled out a medium-sized unicorn from the inside pocket, sat down on her chair and leaned her hand against her cheek. She made the horse prance around on the table for a few minutes before giving up and pushed the toy aside.

"Excuse me," I told Eliza without much explanation before walking over to the far corner of the room. I pulled out my cell phone from my pocket and dialed the number on the card; then waited impatiently as it rang.

"Arthur Carson."

"Arthur, it's Hailey Upton."

"Hailey. How are you?"

"I would be better if you told me what the heck is going on." I lowered my voice so I didn't disturb Eva who was now drawing what looked like a mom and child. "I thought we had a deal."

"We did." He shuffled through some papers on his end. "But the people you gave her to—the Busby's—-they died in a car accident last week."

"Last week?"

"You were unreachable, Hailey. I couldn't very well call your work before you were ready to find out."

"So you sent them here instead?"

"That was one of the options, yes. The other was to fly to Chicago myself, but I thought it would better to go through social services if anyone started looking."

"Like Booth."

"Like Booth." He reiterated with a sigh, which could mean many things. I had been a cop long enough to know you do most anything so the perp didn't catch on. "What you don't know is I've kept tabs on her since she was born and you gave her up for adoption, just in case he ever found out."

"Did he?"

"No. Thanks to you, you got the ball moving. One of Booth's men was arrested on a felony murder charge last night here in Michigan. I can't imagine what's coming for the rest."

"Okay. So why send her here? I am not a mother. I gave her up because I wanted her to be safe! Not to mention, I can't do this job and raise her on my own."

"You gave her up because you were broken, Hailey. You and I both know it." He stated simply. Arthur was just as hard-headed as I was, and even if I didn't want to admit it, he had a point. I had given her up because I was lost in my grief, and I wanted revenge for what Booth had done. "You may have lost Garrett all those years ago, but now this little girl—your little girl—has not only lost her father but she has lost her foster parents. You are what she has left."

"And if she loses me too?" I told him intensely, feeling my stomach knot up because of indecision." If I take her in, I'm subjecting her to her the possibility of losing me and everyone she loves. Not to mention, there will be days when I am not there to love her because I'm too busy with my job."

"Look around you, Hailey. You have many people around you who would be willing to love and protect that little girl in front of you—if they're given the chance."

"I don't know." I rubbed just above my eyebrow. If I did, she could lose me. I didn't want that. I never wanted that. "I'll think about it."

"Okay. That's all I'm asking is you to think about it." He paused as the line grew silent between us. "One more thing before we go."

"Yeah?"

"I recognize your life has been anything but easy for you, Hailey. Just remember she hasn't had an easy one either." When I didn't say anything further, he excused himself and hung up—which left me feeling further confused about the situation at hand.

Both my mom and dad had often been too "busy", which often left my brother and I to raise ourselves and our two younger brothers. It hadn't been easy keeping us all together. So I promised myself that if I ever had kids, they would have a mom and a dad to raise them. So much for that plan.

"Eliza?" Eva whispered as they sat at the table.

"Yeah, sweetheart."

"Hailey looks upset. Did she find something out about my mommy? Did I do something wrong?"

"No, honey. You did nothing wrong." Eliza reassured her while running her fingers through the girl's blonde hair.

"Then why were you two whispering in the corner if nothing is wrong?"

"You are quite smart." Eliza leaned her hands on her knees before pulling up a chair next to her. "It's just sometimes—whether you're little or big—things that happen come with really big feelings."

"Like when I found out about my foster parents in the car accident."

"Just like that—"

"Would it be okay if I gave this picture to Hailey instead? I think she needs it more."

"Sure, honey." Eva grabbed the picture and hopped down from her chair. She walked eagerly across the room, then slowed her pace as she timidly approached me.

"Excuse me?" Eva stated in a timid voice, tugging at my shirt. "I thought you could use this picture more than my mommy." She handed me the paper with such happiness I couldn't refuse taking it.

"Thank you." Her thoughtfulness was just what I needed to make me smile. However, as soon as she turned and skipped back to the table, my smile fell and tears pricked at my eyes. To her, I wasn't her mommy. I was just a police officer trying to find her mommy, and it hurt knowing she had no idea who I was.

"I can see this is a lot for you to take in," Eliza stated quietly, approaching me again. "If you need some time to think about this, we'll be at the Hilton Chicago until the end of the week."

"I'll let you know."

"If you want to meet outside of your workplace, just give me a call." Reaching into the back of her purse, she handed me her card this time.

"I will, thank you."

She nodded and turned back to Eva. "Hey, you. Why don't you pack up and we'll head back to the hotel? Maybe grab some lunch?"

"Do we have to?"

"Do you have some other place you want to go?"

"I wanted to see my mom," Eva said under her breath as she shoved the unicorn, pad of paper and markers into her bag. "I guess that's not happening today, is it?"


	4. The Blame Game

As I watched them walk to their car parked on the street, Eva looked over her shoulder and waved at me sadly. I gave her a small wave back as I forced myself to turn and walk towards the parking lot; my feet weighed down with every step I took away from her.

How could I possibly tell her why I had to give her up? How I had given her up for adoption because I had been broken at the loss of her father. How a horrible man had killed him because he had helped me after making a stupid mistake.

Grabbing the keys from my pocket with shaky hands, I opened my car door and got in. I let out a breath I had no idea I was holding in and started the ignition, just as Jay pulled his car into the spot next to me.

"Hailey." I heard his muffled call as he quickly got out of his SVU. I knew he was my partner and I should fill him in on everything. Right now I couldn't. My mind was overloaded with thoughts I couldn't seem to process. I needed time to think about my daughter coming back into my life. I needed time to think about what I was going to tell him and everyone else about my past with Garrett. Not even my family knew I had been pregnant. All they knew was I had been deep undercover. Now that part of my life was coming back to haunt me, and the situation was a lot more complicated than I thought it would ever be.

He rounded his car as we shared one fleeting look before I pulled out of the precinct. I knew by the concern in his eyes that he wanted to talk and see how I was doing. However, I was not in the mood to talk to him right now. Instead, I made the automatic drive home, ignoring my phone each time it rang and ended up home before I wanted to be there.

When I pulled into my driveway and turned off the ignition, I felt like I could no longer function. My mind automatically raced towards what it would be like to be a mom. What it would be like to have somebody to come home to. How strange it would be to have someone living with me.

By the time I got inside, I had three missed calls from Jay. Instead of calling him back, I set my phone on the counter and sat back against the living room couch with a hefty sigh.

Would I really be able to be a mother if Eva came back into my life? I never had parents who tucked me into bed at night or made me a good meal when I was hungry. Instead, I helped make the meals, helped tuck my younger brother into bed and comforted him when he had nightmares. I had grown up only knowing what I never wanted to be as a parent. That's why I fought so hard to give Eva two loving parents who could give her everything she wanted or needed.

Oh, how my mind was spinning with thought after thought similar to the last. I wanted her to have the chance to grow up in a good home, even if that meant sacrificing and not seeing her grow up.

My headache had grown worse than this morning and I felt the urge to lean my head back and close my eyes. When I woke again, three hours had passed and I now had six missed calls from Jay. Someone was incessantly pounding on my door, which probably was why I had awoken in the first place.

"Come on, Hailey. I know you're in there." Came Jay's muffled but irritated response from the other side of the door.

"Want to tell me why you're banging on my door like a crazy person?" I hissed as I crossed the room to open the door to let him in so my neighbors didn't witness some shouting match with my work partner. "I told you—"

"Yeah, I know." He interrupted, raising his eyes to mine. "You're fine, right?"

"I didn't say that." I closed the door behind us before walking back to the living room and sat back down in the place I had fallen asleep.

"You didn't have to." The smell of his cologne filled the room as he settled on the couch beside me. I wasn't liking where this conversation was going. "Hailey, when I saw you this morning, you looked completely scared out of your mind. Now that doesn't seem like it should matter, except I know you. You don't let much rattle you, even when things get hard." He turned his head like he was collecting his thoughts about all this. "Not to mention you have an insanely annoying intuition about what others need." I cursed the fact that I couldn't lie. Even though I wasn't ready to reveal that I had Eva, I longed for the day I had someone to trust enough to reveal she existed.

"Last night you asked me if I loved Garrett." I drew in a deep breath, curled my legs underneath my body as I moved away from the fact I was hiding the biggest secret I had ever kept. "I loved him so much I thought we had a future together." Another fleeting look told me he knew that feeling all too well, yet I wasn't quite ready to expand on that thought just yet.

"How did you two meet?"

"We were paired together by my boss, Arthur Carson. From the moment we met, were assigned to work with Jeff Rafferty and gather intel on Booth. The four of us spent months trying to find a way in. When we finally realized he had a thing for pretty women with a past that's when we knew how to get in with one of the dirtiest criminals."

"That's when you became Kelly."

"I traded being undercover in Michigan to Chicago. Garrett and I had worked together a few times before going undercover. So when we paired up on this case with Booth, we started acting like a real-life couple so we didn't have to pretend around Booth."

"Considering Booth was hard to get in with the first place-"

"Booth did everything he could to test Garrett before letting him in, and every time he passed with flying colors. I think it made Booth crazy that he couldn't find anything to show Garrett wasn't who he said he was."

"I'm guessing you didn't have to do as much on your end."

"Booth asked questions to make sure I was consistent with everything he found on me as well, but nothing like he was doing to Garrett. He would find little ways to make sure he wasn't around more and more and would send him on errands, like picking up packages from his P.O. box. When he wasn't doing that, he was grilling him with questions in hopes somewhere down the line he would mess up."

"Sounds like he was trying to pin anything on him."

"And he got what he wanted. I should have never been alone with Booth in the first place, but we were getting so close to nailing him and getting the evidence we needed."


	5. Second Chances

"You have to know what happened with Garrett wasn't your fault." He tried to convince me, but I felt like I would always blame myself. The truth was if I had done what I was supposed to do that night—collecting the evidence to put Booth away—I would have never put myself or Garrett in danger. We would have caught him and put in jail long before I had joined Intelligence.

"Yeah. At least that's what everyone keeps telling me." Not being able to sit there any longer, I hopped off the couch and disappeared into the kitchen. I glanced into the living room, certain he wasn't going to follow as I grabbed a glass from the cabinet left of my sink.

"You alright?" His sudden presence made me jump as I held tighter to the breakable object in my hand. Since everything had gone down with Booth, I was still a little on edge.

"I'd be lying if I didn't say I had a little bit of a headache right now." I refrained from rubbing the back of my neck and grabbed the bottle of ibuprofen from the next cabinet over.

"You had one heck of a night. How are you holding up?" I could tell he was watching me closely as he leaned up against the counter.

"My body hurts a little, but nothing I can't handle," I said all this as I swallowed down the pill in my hand. "With the help of ibuprofen, of course." I rattled the bottle for emphasis before placing it back in the cabinet. "First one I've had to take since last night."

"That's good. Uh, did the doctor clear you when you went in?"

"Yeah. When my head heals, I'm in the clear to come back. I'm thinking it's not such a bad idea to sit back for the next couple of days."

"You sitting back? Never thought I'd see the day—" He laughed quietly as he pulled his phone out of his pocket.

"What can I say? I mostly live by rules."

"Yeah, about that—" He teased as he glanced down at his phone, which took our conversation in a different direction. "It's Voight. I should probably take this."

As he stepped towards the other side of the kitchen, I watched him talk to Voight about their current case and then realized how odd it was that I wasn't working with them. I could have insisted that I was fine and went to work anyway, while the truth was I could hardly move to do so.

"It turns out the guy we're after showed up just ten blocks south of here," Jay called as he walked back towards the kitchen.

"Go. Do what you have to do."

"We'll talk later?" He questioned as he turned to head out the door.

"Yeah."

"You're sure."

"Yes! Now go do your job before I have to kick you out." I held my hands up as if I was standing in a boxing ring.

"Yeah. Nobody wants to see that." He smirked as he looked over his shoulder, taking wide strides across the room until his hand was grasping the doorknob.

Okay. So it was clear that I wasn't okay. That was pretty obvious by his reluctance to leave, but he had a job to do and as his partner, I had to make sure his head was screwed on straight so he could do what he had to do to solve this case.

Finally, he nodded a few times before walking out the door, trailing down the sidewalk and pulling his car away from the curb as he sped away.

After he left, it took several minutes before I locked the door behind him and walked over to my bedroom. As I stood at the door, I lingered hesitantly before kneeling down in front of my nightstand and reached near the back of the top drawer.

There I removed a picture I had taped there long ago. It was a picture that had been taken several days after I had given birth to Eva. I was pained, tired, sore and grieving—both for the loss of her father and giving her up for adoption. You wouldn't be able to see all that emotion as the picture was of my outstretched hands, holding Eva. Her blonde hair barely poking through the multicolored baby hat they had put on her at the hospital.

Even though her birth had been the most blurry moment of my life, I remembered the tears running down my cheeks the entire twenty minutes I had to say goodbye to her. I studied her fine golden hair that twinkled in the morning sun as it rose in the sky. I smiled at her precious yawn that almost made me change my mind about keeping her. But somewhere in my broken mind, I knew I couldn't.

So I kept feeding myself excuses about why she'd be better off. That she would have a better family than just me. That Booth would never find her if she wasn't with me. She would be happy, grow up in a safe environment and one day I had planned to tell her all about why I gave her up.

Fast forward to now and I always thought she would be a lot older before I told her about me. Even though I could tell she was an independent little girl, I still debated revealing who I really was to her. Maybe I could get away with not telling her, but her disappointment had been real when she mentioned wanting to meet her "real mommy". It made it that more difficult to decide what was best for her right now.

What if she wasn't ready to know who I was? There was so much I didn't know how to explain to her—like why I had given her up, instead of keeping her in my life. Why I had chosen my career over her, instead of coming home to her every night. When I didn't understand it all myself.

When everything was looking up putting Booth in jail, this little girl fell straight into my lap. Why? I had no idea. It still felt strange, so unreal that now she needed a home. Maybe it was my second chance that I had always thought about, even though it scared me to death to think about it really coming true.

Shaking my head with doubt with what I was going to do about keeping her, I removed the tape from the picture, tucked it in the middle of the second book sitting in my drawer and closed it up.


	6. Making the Call- Part I

TThe rest of the day slipped by ever so slowly as I busied myself around the house. I expected Jay to call or come by again, but I knew how the job went. It was easy to get caught up in a case and everything else shoved to the back of your mind. That was the price of being a police officer. Where we often put our friendships and relationships on hold in order to catch the bad guys. Worked long hours because we knew our families included those in the city and they all deserved to be safe.

It was just as well that he was doing his job and I was doing mine. Sitting back wasn't easy when I knew someone out there needed my help, but I couldn't make the mistake of putting anyone in danger again. Also, having the time to be home, brought me to a solution: Eva deserved to know who her real mom was.

No, it didn't erase the fact I was afraid to reveal who I was. I wasn't going to be talking to a child who had witnessed a drug deal, or one shielded from her mother who had been found dead in their home. I was going to be revealing who I was and why I had given my own kid up for adoption.

The struggle was real while trying to come up with how to explain everything to her. I wondered what questions she would ask, or if she would have any at all. Or if she would understand anything I was saying. Kids were smart, don't get me wrong. I could see Eva was smart. It was just that she had been through so much it was hard to imagine processing everything.

Heck, I was having a hard time processing that Booth was finally in jail after having a massive fight in the parking garage stairwell. How could I expect Eva to do the same with her own thoughts?

Picking up my phone from where it sat on the couch, I lingered upon calling Eliza. Instead, I opted to text her a message about meeting her at the park and went about getting ready for bed.

I was just turning off the lights in the house when my phone buzzed with a message from Eliza.

Looking forward to seeing you again. What time is good for you?

Thinking about it, I turned off the last light in the house, which happened to be hanging over the kitchen counter.

Should we plan on about nine?

Carefully walking through the darkened house, I walked into my bedroom and slipped underneath the covers just as my phone buzzed again.

Nine is perfect.

Settling in for what I figured would be a long night, I let out a deep breath as I took one last look at my phone and came up with enough of a response my tired brain could manage before my closing my tired eyes.

Great! I'll see you tomorrow.

As soon as my head hit the people, I swear I was asleep. I didn't wake up until the sun was lighting the bedroom again, filling it with warm rays as I yawned and looked at the clock. It was nearly eight o'clock. I had to blink a few times before I realized the night hadn't been as bad as I thought it would be.

Still, I needed to get a move on if I was going to make it to the park on time. As if I were trying to make it to work on time, I took a quick shower, dried my hair just enough to pull it into a ponytail, got dressed in a red and blue flannel shirt and grabbed the picture of Eva and me from its place in the drawer before heading out the door.

When I arrived at the park, I was still miraculously five minutes early. It took a minute to spot her, but Eliza was sitting on the bench nearest the playground, watching as Eva played around on the monkey bars with another little girl about her age. Eliza was so focused on watching them, she didn't see me until I had nearly approached the bench.

"Hailey." She greeted me as I sat next to her. "How are you?"

"I'm okay, thanks." I turned my attention to Eva, who was now crossing the monkey bars at the same pace the other little girl was. "You know, I used to love playing on the monkey bars."

"Then no wonder she's so good at it. We've been here maybe fifteen minutes and she's spent the majority of that time on the monkey bars."

"Yeah. Give me time and I would have found any way to climb or hang from them." We watched both girls climb to the other side with victorious shouts of escaping the evil two-eyed monster. "They really are something."

"Five-year-olds have quite the imagination." Eliza smiled quite proudly, which made me wonder if she knew my daughter more than I did. Of course she did, I reprimanded in my head. She was Eva's social worker; the one who took and placed her in a home where she could be protected. "Hailey, you okay?"

"Yeah." Nodding, I sucked in a deep breath and focused on a mother watching her daughter on the playground. Following her line of sight, I wondered if she was the mother of the little girl Eva was playing with. "I guess I'm not used to everyone knowing so much more than me."

"You mean about Eva? She questioned, knowing all too well who I was referring to.

I have no idea if she's in kindergarten or first grade. Who her friends are. What she likes to do."

"I don't know all the answers to the questions you have." She stated honestly, "What are your instincts telling you?"

"About what grade she's in?"

"We'll start with that for now." She said gently, glancing over at the girls who were now running around the playground—not after each other but the invisible monster they had imagined in their heads.

"From what little I know about her, I've noticed she's quite mature for her age. She's a wonderful artist and by the looks of it, a good imagination. Instinct tells me she's in first grade."

"You're correct. She just started first grade this past Fall. That I do know. I finally know where she got that beautiful personality."

"You mean stubborn?" I teased, trying to hold back a little laugh. "Or insistent."

"Okay. She has a beautiful, insistent personality. I'll give you that one."


	7. Making the Call- Part II

"Eliza." Eva looked surprised as she ran up to us out of breath. "What is she doing here?" Eliza shared a look with me, so I stepped up.

"Hi, Eva."

"Hi."

"To answer your question, I came to talk to you and Eliza about your mom."

"Did you find her?"

"I did." My breath hitched in the back of my throat. "Actually, that's not entirely true."

"What do you mean?"

"The reason Eliza came to see me wasn't just to find your mom."

"What do you mean?" Eva looked at me in confusion. "What else are you looking for?"

"What I mean is she already found your mom."

"You did?" She could hardly contain her excitement as she turned to Eliza. "But where is she? Does she want to see me?"

"She does," I answered after Eliza silently gestured to me to answer if I wanted to tell her. My heart beat wildly as I responded, almost as if those words were just waiting to flow out of my mouth. "She even has a picture she wants to show you when you were born. "Are you ready?"

"Yeah." Her eyes scanned the park, so I took that as an opportunity to slowly take the picture out of my pocket. I was more nervous about how Eva would react when she realized I was her birth mother. Eliza must have sensed it because she put a hand on my shoulder which gave me a little more confidence to see this through.

"Eva."

"Hmm." She seemed distracted as she turned back around. It was clear she was expecting somebody else to walk up to her or pop out from somewhere when that person was right in front of her.

"Look, honey. Hailey is trying to show you something." Eliza guided her to the picture in my hand. Eva froze as she stared at it, then gazed back at me as if she couldn't form the words. I didn't blame her. If I had been told this news when I was her age, I wouldn't have taken it well.

"I..I was tiny." Tracing an invisible circle around herself as a baby, she stared at the picture in front of her. "How big was I?"

"Just a little over seven pounds."

"Wow. That is small." She remarked, rocking back and forth on her heels. "What do I call you?

"How about we stick with Hailey."

"Okay. Hailey?"

"Hmm—"

"Can I have a minute to think about all this?"

"Sure." I watched her nod, then walk over to a nearby tree. She kicked at a piece of raised bark with her tennis shoe, then walked behind the tree and sat down.

"How are you doing with all this?" Eliza brought up the question after several minutes of silence between us.

"Even though I've been trained to deal with this every day, it's different when you're in the situation," I answered truthfully as I cast my eyes over to where Eva was sitting. "I've watched families get torn apart for a number of reasons that shouldn't even be possible. Here I am getting a second chance when others don't often have the opportunity."

"Then why do you still look unsure?"

"For years, I told no one about her," I admitted, keeping my voice low just in case Eva was listening. I wanted to explain everything to her eventually in a more simplified way, but not here. Not now. "There were so many things I couldn't get into that it was better to leave things alone."

"You thought it was better than no one knowing."

"For her safety, yes. That's why I gave her up in the first place. I also wanted her to have a mom and a dad who could be there for her."

"Is that still what you want?"

"Honestly, I don't know what I want." I shook my head, feeling my confusion mounting the longer I sat on that bench. "She deserves to have a family who loves her. Who can be there for her when she comes home from school, who tucks her in at night and is there when she has bad dreams. Someone who has the time to play with her and isn't worrying whether her mom will make it home or not."

"I like that you're a cop and a detective," Eva called over her shoulder as she stood up and came out from behind the tree. "You get to protect people when they can't, right?"

"Right." I gazed at her reddened eyes and I felt my stomach sink. "I work with some amazing people and we protect people all over Chicago." She smiled as I said that, which made me smile too. "Eva, I want to know if you're okay with me telling you all this—especially about me being your mom."

"I guess so." She shrugged her shoulders, looking mighty hesitant as she rocked back and forth on her heels. "You seem nice. I like it here too. I made a friend on the playground."

"I saw that." I beamed proudly, gesturing toward the little girl who was now playing a friendly game of tag. "She nice?"

"Very." She beamed back, her voice faltering as she called out my name. "Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"Do you want to keep me?" She asked timidly, shuffling her feet through the grass. "It's okay if you don't." My stomach sunk even further at her response and I had to think of something fast. Telling the truth was always the best policy—at least in a way she could understand.

"I've always wanted you." I did. Inside it didn't seem like I did because of boundless questions floating through my mind and what if's. I surprised myself by saying those words when just last night I felt like I was questioning everything about this meeting with my daughter."

"If you always wanted me, why did you give me away?"

"One day, I hope to tell you everything you want to know. For now, I want you to know I gave you to someone who could keep you safe. Who could give you a nice home and somebody to care for you when I couldn't."

"I loved them." She jutted out her bottom lip as her gaze fell to the patch of grass in front of her.

"I know you did."

"What about now?" She asked slowly, tipping her chin back up to me with a hopeful look in her eyes. "Can you keep me safe?"

"That is a good question." I exchanged a look of reassurance with Eliza before turning back to Eva. "I try not to make promises I can't keep because I never want to hurt you or make you believe that I didn't. As much as I want to keep you, I'm scared too."

"You're scared?"

"Very," I emphasized on the word for good measure. Maybe I wasn't showing it enough, but she needed to know what she was getting into if she stayed.

"Why are you scared?" She moved closer to me, her little hands now resting on my knees.

"One thing I'm scared about is my job can be very dangerous at times, and there are people who sometimes want to hurt me and the people I work with. Which means they could want to hurt you too."

"Oh." She leaned on me while pondering this before getting a very big smile on her face. "You are protecting me." She pointed out, her smile growing even wider. "But you get the bad guys, right?"

"Sometimes we do. Other times it takes awhile."

"I guess I'm okay with that." She stared after a few minutes and put a finger to her mouth as she considered what she what she was agreeing to.

"Then I guess it's settled. You're coming home with me."


	8. Safe

It was strange, but I felt a huge weight off my shoulders after I told her she would be living with me. I didn't have to wonder if I was or wasn't going to keep her. Even though I had so many thoughts and questions about it all, I knew this is where she belonged.

Eva knew it too. She got this huge smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around my waist and buried her head into my stomach. She was so happy, and that made me happy. I gingerly placed my hand on the small of her back, not expecting physical contact from her. It took several minutes for her to finally let go of me, but it was a welcomed surprise.

When we got to my place, she bounced over to the couch and sat down, kicking her feet back and forth as Eliza went over a few minor details—like locking my gun up when I was home.

It was doable. I was only responsible for one tiny human. How bad could I screw this up?

"You look worried." Eliza speculated, watching me closely as we stood there iin the middle of the living room.

"I'm good." My response was quet. Mainly because I was worried but didn't want to say the words out loud. There were so many unknown factors right now, I wasn't set on one solid emotion anyway.

"I think I know your answer, but I want to make sure taking Eva is something you still want to do."

"I'm sure."

"That's all I needed to hear." Drawing the paperwork and pen from her bag, she handed them to me so I could read over everything. When I was finished, I carefully signed my name at the bottom. "I'll go grab her backpack and suitcase."

"Thanks." Placing the papers on the coffee table, Eliza retreated out the front door, leaving Eva and I alone for the first time. It was strange seeing so much of me reflected in her. However, If I looked close enough, I swore I was looking straight at Garrett.

"Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"Nevermind." She shrugged timidly, wedging her hands tightly between her legs. "It's a stupid question."

"I don't believe you could ask a stupid question." I assured her, sitting on the edge of the coffee table. As a police officer, I had been trained to read body language. She seemed to be timidly feeling out her surroundings, which was fine. I just hoped in time she would learn to trust me.

"I know I said I was okay with you getting hurt, with your job, but can you try not to get hurt too bad?" She questioned after several moments of thinking about what she was going to ask.

"I will try my best to not get too hurt."

"Promise?"

"Promise." I swallowed hard knowing what I promised wouldn't always be possible. I had no idea of knowing the outcome of who we were apprehending until we dug deeper into who that person was.

As our conversation paused, the door opened again and Eliza dragged in Eva's suitcase; the backpack was attached to the handle, while she gripped the booster seat with her other hand.

"Okay." Eliza announced, shutting the door with the back of her foot. "We've got one suitcase, one backpack and a booster seat. I think, you are set. Am I missing anything?"

Eva scrunched her nose up in thought, then grinned widely. "Is my blanket in there?"

"We put it in your suitcase this morning before we left the hotel." Eliza reminded her as she pulled everything up the stairs.

"Oh, yeah. I remember now."

"I know you're both probably very eager to get to know one another, so I'm going to get out of your way." Crossing into the living room, she grabbed her purse and adjusted the strap across her shoulder. "I will be back in a couple weeks to see how things are going. In the meantime, you have my card if you have any questions or concerns."

"I'm sure we'll be just fine, right Hailey?" I just pointed to her with a feign of shock on my face. Was my daughter really five going on six?

"Oh, we're going to be just fine." I chuckled as I got up to walk Eliza to the door.

"You've got a good one in there." She gestured to the window where Eva had peeled back the blinds and was watching us as we stood outside. "I'll see you soon,"

"Thanks, Eliza." Watching her leave, I gave her a wave of appreciation as she drove away and headed back inside. Eva appeared quickly around the corner as I climbed the stairs up to the main floor.

"Can I put my stuff in my room?"

"Sure." Pulling the backpack off where it was hanging from the suitcase, she placed the straps around her shoulders and pulled the suitcase down the hall. I could tell I had one independently strong daughter on my hands.

Locking the door behind me, I grabbed the booster seat and walked up the stairs towards the garage and placed it near the wall. I couldn't quite bring myself to put it in the car until after I had figured out how to tell the team. Even if we had to go somewhere, I would take it out afterward to not bring up questions when I went back to work. Just thinking about it made my head hurt as I sat back down on the couch and let my thoughts take over. Again, I wondered if I really could do this. If I could give her the love she deserved.

"Hailey?" Eva interjected my thoughts while holding a Barbie doll dressed in a hot pink dress. I had fond memories of playing barbies when I was about six. I would have liked to think those were my better days of life before I had to grow up.

"Yeah."

"You okay?" Tilting her head in concern, Eva took a couple of small steps towards me and settled next to me on the couch.

"I'm okay," I assured her as she brushed her fingers through her barbie's long blonde hair. " I was just thinking about some things."

"About what?"

"Like what we're going to do for dinner." I teased, covering my worry with a smile. I wasn't sure I wanted to tell my daughter I was still worried about taking her in. Or how I felt like my head was going to explode trying to figure out how to tell my team. That or I had been hit harder than I thought by the man who had killed her father.

"Nu-uh." She shook her head back and forth, clearly not believing what I was saying. "Jacqueline and I don't believe you." Twisting her doll back and forth in her hand, she made it look as if her doll was disagreeing as well.

"Is that so?" Pressing my elbow against the couch, I rested my head against the palm of my hand and extended my other hand towards Eva to let me see her barbie. "You are both very smart."


	9. Never Imagined

I felt like I had been tossing and turning all night. When I finally fell asleep, I woke abruptly by the dream of Ronald Booth wrapping his hands around my neck and choking the air out of me. He sputtered about what a mistake it had been for turning him in, not caring if I lived or died. I could only imagine he was secretly cursing my existence in real life.

As my heart beat wildly against my chest, I laid against my pillow listening to the silence of the morning. It was an odd rush in the middle of a horrible dream realizing I wasn't alone in this house anymore. The little girl I had given birth to almost six years ago was sleeping down the hall.

She was mine. Mine. My stomach dropped at the word. For so long I had been alone that the word felt like a foreign word. One that would take a while to get used to. After her foster parents had died, I knew this could be my only chance to see her again. Now was it some sort of coincidence after nabbing Ronald Booth or whether it was Garrett sending her back to me, I intended to find out.

Still, why now? I feel like I just got my life back together. I had been a part of Intelligence for nearly a year and finally earned the respect of Voight and the team, which honestly was no small task. After Erin had left and I had transferred in, I often went home at night feeling frustrated and worn from trying to "fit in". So I hung in there and got what I wished for.

I had always prided myself on telling the truth to get me through doing my job, but now I didn't know if that same truth would get me through this. Not when I had no idea where to begin. It was obvious I couldn't keep Eva secret for the rest of her life. Somehow bringing her up would spark more questions than I had answers to.

It scared me to open up about my past to people who had all been working with each other for years. They all had this kind of bond I was still getting used to. I still preferred to do a lot of things on my own, mainly because of how I was raised. No matter how much the boys took me under their wing, I knew I had a long way to go.

"Hailey?" Eva rapped her knuckles on the door, asking the question she already knew the answer to. "Are you awake?" She peered into the room, looking slightly apprehensive as she stepped into the doorway.

"Hey, you're up! How did you sleep?" I asked, pushing the pillow up behind me as I sat up against the backboard.

"Okay, I guess." Eva walked into the room, lingering by the end of the bed. "The room is a lot darker than in my old room. Maybe we can put a night light in there?"

"Sure. I may have one of those somewhere." I told her, trying to think back to if I had any extra hall lights hanging around since I moved in almost a year ago. "If not, maybe we can run to the store after breakfast."

"Okay. A normal one will be fine. I'm not really into Disney characters or anything like that very much anymore." She paused, leaning against the bed as I pushed back the covers and stretched my hands over my head. I felt the slight pull from being knocked around. Even my head was starting to feel better. "Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"I'm happy no else but you came to the park yesterday. I guess I gave my picture to my mom after all."

"You sure did." I beamed, noticing the wisdom she already had at a young age. She was no doubt my daughter and I already say so much of me in her. "So, Eva?"

"Hmm?"

"What do you usually eat for breakfast?"

"Mmm…" She put her index finger to her chin as she thought about her answer. "Usually eggs, toast or pancakes. Sometimes cereal."

"All good options. What about french toast or waffles?"

"Not really. We usually just fixed something quick before I had to go to school. A lot of times we didn't even have time for toast or pancakes because I wouldn't get out of bed in time."

"You know your father used to be the same way. I couldn't get him up if I tried." I stretched my hands over my head, trying hard to not be sad at mentioning Garrett. I think no matter how hard I tried, I might spend the rest of my life trying to convince myself that he was gone.

"Really?" She even wrinkled her nose up like him as she leaned against the bed. "What was his name?"

"Garrett."

"You loved him a lot."

"I did, yes." Throwing back the covers, I placed my feet on the ground and stood up slowly as I gazed out the the neighbor's dog who was playing with his owner in the front yard. "How about breakfast?" I asked, suddenly not wanting to talk about this anymore.

"Sure. I'm going to get dressed first."

"Wait. Don't you want to know what I'm making?" I laughed a little, pulling my hair up into a tight ponytail as it brushed against my skin. She stopped for a moment at the door frame looking slightly contemplative.

"Surprise me." She called over her shoulder, padding back down the hall. All I could do was shake my head and smile as I watched her retreat. I pulled my hair up into a tight ponytail and walked back down the hall.

It had been a while since I had been around little kids, besides the occasional ones we had to deal with when we were on a case..I had always helped with my brothers, but now they were grown up and one even had his own family. We didn't talk much as each one of us was busy with our own lives, but I was afraid if they knew I had Eva, they would be hounding me with questions ranging from _how could you hide something like this from us _to _you should have told us, we would have helped if we knew you had her. _

Peering down the hall, I heard Eva hurrying to unzip her suitcase and get dressed. I had grabbed an elastic to pull my hair up and stepped into the kitchen to find the waffle machine. They had always been kind of comfort food I had always made for me and my brothers growing up. I occasionally made them since but most of the time I found myself skipping breakfast. Now that Eva was living here, I had more excuses to make more meals in the kitchen.


	10. Believe It Or Not- Part I

"So, how is it?" I prompted through the slight scraping of our forks against the plate as we ate our waffles. She was sitting on her knees behind the counter, while I stood on the other side manning the waffle maker.

"Really good." Eva swallowed the food she had in her mouth. "How did you learn how to make these?"

"There was a lot of trial and error with my cooking, but I learned to masters these waffles so my brothers and I could eat." I smiled, knowing how much my brothers had enjoyed them, but it also brought back a lot of good and bad memories with it.

"It's so good. You should make them more often." She stabbed another piece and stuffed it in her mouth. "Can you?"

"I can't promise we'll have them all the time, but maybe on the weekends?"

"Okay." She seemed to accept that answer and it was good enough for me. "Hailey?"

"Hmm?'

"Are you sure you like waffles?"

"Yeah, Why?"

"Because you only ate about half yours." She eyed my plate and my half-eaten breakfast. Although she did have a point, I don't know if I would ever admit it. I didn't feel super hungry, so basically I was forcing myself to eat. I chalked it up mostly to having a lot on my mind, and eating wasn't exactly one of those things.

"Careful now. I've been busy making the waffles." I breathed out a sigh of relief as she dropped it for a moment and continued eating. As I pulled another hot waffle onto the plate and filled it with more batter as a knock echoed on my front door.

"Who's that?"

"I don't know. Just keep eating your waffles, okay?"

"Mhmm." Eva rocked back and forth on the stool as I walked down the stairs and peeked through the peephole. As I saw Jay standing there holding a white bag in his right hand, I wouldn't have expected anyone less.

"Hey," I greeted after opening up the door. "You checking up on me?" "You know it. Thought you could use some breakfast." He held up the bag in his hand as he sniffed the air. "Is that waffles?"

"Yeah."

"Since when do you cook?"

"Just started. Hey, do you have a minute to talk?"

"Yeah, sure." He agreed and stepped into the house and my stomach twisted in knots. I hoped Eva wasn't anywhere near where Jay could see her before I had a chance to explain everything. By the sound of, I was guessing she wasn't in the kitchen anymore.

"What's going on?"

"I don't even know where to begin-"

"Okay." Jay changed his stance as he stood in front of the door. "You know you can tell me anything."

"Good because what I'm going to tell you isn't easy for me to talk about." Rubbing at the side of my forehead, I ignored the wave of concern coming from Jay. "The day after we arrested Booth, I was visited by a woman by the name of Eliza Harwell. She came to me because she was trying to find a little girl's biological mother."

"I'm not sure I'm following."

"You probably will after I tell you the rest of the story." I paused, licking at my lips. Why did I think this was a good idea to tell him all this? "This little girl's mother gave her up for adoption the day she was born. Then her mother disappeared; all for good reason, because her mother was undercover at the time and she went back to the life she always thought she wanted to have. She thought she was doing the right thing by giving the little girl up. She told no one about her-even her family-in order to keep her safe."

"From Booth." He stated, not questioning the fact I had a child. I could tell by the look in his eye that it hadn't sunken in all the way. Heck, it hadn't sunken in all the way for me, and I had to remind myself that somebody else was living in this house after years of living alone.

"From Booth and all his men who could potentially use her child as bait."

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't it seem a little coincidental that the day after you put Booth in jail they just show up?"

"I thought the same thing that I even doubted that Booth was setting me up for something. I have a feeling that if he knew about her, he would have been after me a long time ago."

"Maybe. I wouldn't be so sure he doesn't have some kind of endgame in mind, especially since you put him in jail."

"I wouldn't doubt it. I did talk to my boss right after they showed up and determined if they were lying to me or not. He confirmed he sent them here to Chicago."

"Even so. Are you sure he can be trusted?"

"He's never given me a reason not to." I shrugged, trying to listen for anything that suggested Eva was nearby but I heard nothing. "If it weren't for Arthur Carson, I don't think I would have made it this far. He picked me up when nobody else would have. So until that day comes, we have to believe he sent them my way for a reason."

"Any reason why?"

"The only thing he told me was her adopted mother and father were killed in a car accident last week. When things die down a little, I'm going to dig for a little more information."

"Until then she's in your care, right?" He deducted, placing the white bag on the counter where Eva had been sitting, "That's why you made the waffles."

"Yeah. Although a part of me is freaking out a little knowing she's back in my life." Knowing Eva was out in the open now, I felt more relaxed and walked back into the kitchen to pull the last waffle onto the plate.

"You know you need to tell Voight."

"I know, and I will. I think I just need another day or two to let this all sink in." I drew in a deep breath as I unplugged the waffle machine. "I hate to say it, but I still have to figure out where she's going to school and who's going to watch her while I'm at work before I worry about anything else."


	11. Believe It Or Not- Part II

"Do I get to meet her?" Jay questioned, looking at the pulled out stool, then back at me. He was quite the lovable teddy bear once you broke the surface, but I could also see his reservation of being around kids. There was a reason that most of us weren't married, didn't have kids, or were barely skimming the dating scene.

"Yeah." I turned my gaze back to the hall, where I could hear movement in the bathroom. "Eva, can come you come in here a minute?" It took a few minutes as we listened to the water shut off and her footsteps trailed back down to the kitchen.

"I was washing the syrup off my hands and face." She paused as she spotted Jay standing there. Her expression was full of wonderment as she saw him for the first time. I remembered feeling the same way when I found out I had been paired with him. We clicked and that was rare we got along so well. I hoped this was the case since the team especially would be around her every so often. "Who's this?"

"Eva, I want you to meet my partner, Jay," I introduced him as Eva pulled out the stool at the end of the counter before scrambling up so she could get a better look at him. "Jay this is my daughter, Eva."

"It's nice to meet you, Eva." Jay nodded to her in greeting, while Eva said nothing. "How old are you?"

"Five, almost six." Sprawling her fingers out on the counter, she poked her finger in between her other fingers as If she were playing a game. "If you work with Hailey, that means you're a cop too, right?"

"I am."

"So you can keep her safe?" She questioned, pointing over to me without looking up. Jay offered me a look like that was equal to _what is she getting at? _I could only shrug, knowing it probably had something to do with losing her adoptive parents. Now wasn't the time to try and explain that to him, but he could put two and two together anyway.

"Believe it or not, I always do what I can to keep her safe. Your mom, however, is pretty good at taking care of herself, and often saves me." He said that last part by cupping his hand by his mouth as if he were telling some big secret.

"More like we save each other." Looking down at my watch, I noted the time. It was already close to nine o'clock and I still wanted to stop by the grocery store and maybe even check out a few schools after she picked out a night light. "Why don't you go play for a few more minutes? I need a few more minutes to talk to Jay."

"Okay. Bye, Jay." Scrambling down, she was off before her feet hit the floor. A few minutes later, she had closed the door to her bedroom and we were alone again.

"Well, that went better than I expected it to go." I gave a sigh of relief as I peered towards the hall. "I think she's adjusting okay, but I think there's a lot she's not talking about either."

"I can't imagine it's easy for her. She may not have witnessed her parents dying, but it's still affected her in ways unimaginable to either of us. She loses her parents and then finds out her biological mother is a cop?"

"Hence the reason she's been asking me not to get hurt too badly, or just a few minutes ago when she asked for you to keep me safe." It seemed a little peculiar when she asked me that after we met, mostly because I wasn't used to people asking me that question.

"She's afraid of losing you."

"Yeah, well I don't blame her for feeling that way. She's lost one set of parents, so what happens if she loses the only thing she has left?"

"Easy. We won't let it."

"You know as well as I do that you can't make promises you can't keep," I added in quickly, daring him not to make that promise. "Neither one of us knows what's going to happen in the future, so I can't make that promise to you, or to her."

"But you promised her anyway, didn't you?" It felt crazy knowing how well we knew each other, even in the year we had been partnered together. How we could read the other's body language, or decipher the looked that said everything we were thinking.

"I explained to her the risks of my job and told her I would try not to get too hurt. Big difference."

"At least you were being honest." Jay joked, trying to break some of the tension in the room.

"Shut up." I mused, finally cracking a smile as I changed the subject. "I've been meaning to ask you how the case was going from the other day?"

"Good. We ended up arresting the guy. Upwater ended up seriously tackling the guy to the ground. He should be on his way to lockup in the next hour." Jay looked down at his watch sitting on his wrist. "Anway, I should get going. I just wanted to make sure things were still going okay."

"Ah, well, in that case, I'll be back before you know it." Walking back to the door, I followed him down the stairs. "I'm also thinking I gave you more than what you bargained for when you came here."

"I'll be honest. I definitely wasn't expecting that one, but I've always believed you would make a good mom."

"Thanks, Jay." I appreciated his vote of confidence more than I could express into words right now.

"Hailey?"

"Yeah."

"You know I've got your back on this, right? You need anything, you just say the word and I'll be here." I nodded, knowing he was serious when he said it. Jay was one of the most loyal people I had the honor of working with.

"I know. Thanks." I said softly so only he could hear as he hopped into his truck with one last glance before driving off down the road.


	12. Keep Going

"Eva?" I called out as I closed the front door behind me as I listened for a response, but the house was eerily quiet as I walked to her room to investigate. "Hey, you. You about ready to run some errands?"

"I guess. Eva shrugged, leaning her head back against the mattress. She was holding what looked like a small picture of some sort in her hands. Even though I couldn't see the picture, I could piece together that maybe it was of her adopted parents.

"You know." Slowly sitting down on the floor next to her, I decided it was better than keeping my distance ."It's okay if you're sad. It's okay if you're feeling other emotions too."

"Are you still scared about having me?" She questioned, holding the picture to her chest. "I mean about people hurting me because of your job?"

"All the time. But just because I'm afraid doesn't mean I won't protect you, or that you won't have other people looking after you or me. I work with some pretty amazing people, and even if something happens, they're not the kind of people to just give up."

"Really? You promise."

"I promise." That was a promise I could keep, knowing without a doubt that anyone on the team would do whatever it took. "I know it may not seem like it now, but you can always keep a part of them here with you."

"How do I do that?"

"Well, for starters, maybe we can put that picture in a frame so you can keep it on the nightstand instead of wherever you were keeping it before."

"I like that idea." Outlining her parent's face with her finger, she turned to me with a frown."They were really good people. Why did they have to die?"

"Sometimes we don't know why these things happen, especially to the people we love. What matters most is what we do with ourselves after it does."

"What do you mean?"

"When we see a loved one get hurt or sick or hear that they died, it makes us so sad that we don't know what to do with ourselves. What we do to get out of that sadness, whether positive or negative, is what will determine what we do next in our own lives."

"I guess that makes sense. So what do you do?"

"I'll have a good cry. Sometimes I talk to a friend or we have a counselor at work that I'll talk to if something big happens at work or in my life."

"I cry sometimes too," Eva confessed, crawling on her knees so she could put the picture up on the nightstand. "But I don't really have anyone like that to talk to."

"You have me. I may not always understand what you're going through, but I can always listen."

"Thanks." She said quickly, wrinkling her nose up as she sat back down beside me. "Don't you have to say that because you're my mom?"

"Not exactly. Not all parents are willing to be parents and listen."

"Did yours listen?"

"At one time, they did. Then things got a little complicated between them and me and my brothers while growing up."

"Whether you're little or big, things come with really big feelings," Eva recalled proudly as she pushed her back against the bed.

"Who told you that?"

"Eliza. When we first met you at your work." She wiggled her feet back and forth as they knocked against one another in a sort of clicking rhythm. "I could tell you were upset, but I didn't know why, so I guess that's why she told me."

"She's not wrong," I confirmed, wanting to tell her more. I had already told her at the park that I hoped I could tell her everything one day, but it was more because I wanted to make sure she understood why I did it. "It doesn't matter what age you are. Things will hit you in a different way when they happen."

"How does it hit you?"

"Emotions are like when you're walking on the sidewalk and you trip and fall because there's a bump in the concrete. When you fall, you decide whether you get up or stay on the ground."

"Oh. I guess I never thought of it that way." Pulling her legs up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around her knees. "I'm glad I can talk to you about things. It was starting to get lonely not being able to talk to people."

"What about Eliza?"

"I did talk to her, but mostly she just asked me questions. Like what I wanted to eat for breakfast, if I wanted to go to the park, or if I brushed my teeth before bed. I think she missed her family. When she thought I was asleep, she would go into the bathroom and talk to them."

"Eliza has kids?"

"Mhm. I think so. I could hear her say, put Charlie on the phone, and I can't remember who else she was talking to."

"Huh. I never would have pegged Eliza for having children."

"Me either." Her expression became contemplative as she slowly put her feet flat on the ground. "Have you always wanted kids?"

"Only since I was a little girl." I smiled, knowing it was true. Ever since I had taken care of my brothers, it made me realize how much I wanted to be a mother one day. Then I grew up and work took over my life, and well, here I was with a second chance at even having that wish fulfilled.

"If you wanted kids, then why didn't you have more?"

"I guess I never found the right person to be with after your father came along."

"Oh." She stared down at her shoes before her face brightened with an idea. "What about Jay?"

"Jay is my work partner. We're just friends."

"Okay.." She relented, beaming as she sat up on her knees again. " He seems nice though."

"He is a very nice guy. One of the best people you'll ever meet." I decided now more than ever was a good time to change the subject, just in case she planned on asking me any more questions. "Hey, why don't you and I go to the store and get that night light? Maybe we can look at some schools before we go to the grocery store and grab some things you like to eat."

"Can we get yogurt?"

"Yes, we can get yogurt." I stood up slowly before grabbing the booster seat still sitting by the door. "Anything else you want to get while we're at the store?"

"Lunch meat? I like sandwiches."

"What about for dinner?"

"Umm. I don't know. Can I think about that one?" Eyeing her shoes sitting by the closet, she grabbed them and sat on the edge of the bed to put them on.

"Sure. I'm going to change. I'll meet you in the kitchen in a few minutes, okay?"

"Okay."


	13. Moving Forward

"I thought of something we could have for dinner," Eva called out as she stepped carefully into the living room. I stuffed my blush back into the small makeup bag sitting near the wall of the sink and turned off the light in the bathroom.

"Oh yeah, what's that?" I asked grabbing a jacket from my closet and slipped it on as she appeared just outside my bedroom door. She was now wearing a long-sleeved white shirt with the word love written across it, dark blue jeans and light pink tennis shoes.

"Spaghetti." She stated excitedly as she put one foot out in front of her as she showed off her outfit. "I decided to change too."

"I see that. I am loving the outfit and the dinner choice."

"You really think so?"

"I do. Those shoes go perfectly with the outfit you've got on. And believe it or not, spaghetti is a must in this family." Eva beamed as she looked at her shirt then at her shoes as we walked back into the living room. "Why don't you get your booster seat out of your room and then we'll go."

"Okay." Immediately she disappeared down the hall, coming back a few minutes with her booster seat in both hands. "Got it!"

"Alright." Digging down into my left pocket, I grabbed my keys. " Looks like we are ready to go."

"Mhm." She followed behind slowly as I opened the door for her step into the garage, but not without warning, of course.

"There are a few stairs you're going to have to get down before you get to the car."

"Kind of like my old house, except we had three steps to go down." She stepped down them, one by one while carrying the booster seat. I could tell already that I was going to have one very independent girl to raise. Of course, I couldn't fault her for that, especially since I was the same way."You said we were going to check out schools?"

"I did." She handed me the booster seat as she climbed into the back of the car. "Then we can go shopping for things we might want to eat this week."

"What if they don't like me?" She asked with a frown as she sat down in ther seat and buckled herself up with ease.

"Who? The other kids?"

"Yeah. What if they don't like me?"

"Do you want my opinion?" I questioned, feeling a little unsure about charting into unknown territory as she gave a little nod. "I think they are going to love you when they realize what a great friend you are."

"Even if I'm the new kid? Not everybody likes them."

"Who told you that? I was the new kid many times. As hard as it was, I eventually always made a friend."

"I guess. Can we go now?"

"Yes, we can go." Closing her door, I sighed and wondered what I was getting myself into as I hopped into the driver's seat and opened the garage door. I usually listened to music in the car, but today I left it off, which made the ride relatively silent as we drove to the nearest elementary school. As I pulled up to one of the parking spots close to the front door, her gaze hadn't moved from the window.

When it was clear she wasn't making any move to get out of the car, I shut the engine off and hopped out to open the back door. "This school doesn't look too bad, does it?"

"The colors aren't that pretty to look at." She looked around the door, looking less than impressed. The school was an older one; grey interior around the front door area, lined with brown colored bricks around the rest of the building.

"Maybe not. Come on, hop out." I encouraged her as she let out a long sigh before unbuckling and jumping onto the asphalt.

"Now that was fun."

"Are you telling me you're not a fan of school?" She walked beside me as we made our way down the long sidewalk. She did the most unexpected thing and grabbed my hand nervously, clinging onto me the closer we got to stepping through the front door.

"Not really. I had an art teacher I really liked. It was the only class I really liked. Everything else was boring." She skirted to a stop, tugging on my arm. "Do we really have to go in? I could just come to work with you every day. You wouldn't even know I'm there."

"I wish you could." I bent down to her level, hoping that no one would come barreling through the doors and run into us while were standing there. "Unfortunately, there's a law that you have to go to school. As for coming with me to work, there may be a day you can come meet everybody. For now, can we give this school a chance?"

"I guess I can give it a week or two." She came to the conclusion as her mouth twisted in contemplation. I knew it wasn't what she really wanted to do, but it was kind of the only option she had right now.

"Glad to hear it." With us both accepting that answer, for the time being, we were able to walk into the school with relatively no hitches as we stepped up to the front desk.

"Hi, can I help you?" The receptionist was an older lady, maybe in her forties. She had kind blue

eyes and glasses hanging over her nose.

"Hi. My name is Hailey Upton. I was wondering if I could get my daughter enrolled in your school?"

"We can probably do that. How old are you, sweetheart?"

"Five, almost six." Eva let go of my hand as she tried to see over the taller part of the counter. Just as she did, I felt my phone buzz in my back pocket.

Hey, Hailey. I can get all the information faxed to the school, Are you there now? Luckily, I had thought to text Eliza after reading through about the requirements for enrolling children in school. Especially after she didn't leave the information I needed for Eva.

We are, yes.

"Okay, so we do require you to fill out an application as well as an emergency form, and I will need to see some kind of proof that proves you are the parent. I will also need proof of your child's identity, your proof of residence, and records of vaccinations.

"Here's my ID and proof of residence." Pulling out the bank statement I had put into my pocket before bed, I set it next to my ID.

"Can I get your fax number so I can have the social worker fax her information to you?"

"Absolutely." She gave me the number, which I then texted to Eliza. She responded a few seconds later that she would get that sent right over to the office. "Alright. If you'd both like to take a seat, I'm just going to make a photocopy of your driver's license while we're waiting for her information to be faxed through."

"Thank you."

"No problem."

I sat down in one of those soft wooden cushion chairs and it brought me back to how many times I found myself or one of my brothers sitting in one of those chairs. We had tried to keep out of trouble growing up, especially knowing what our dad would do to us if we didn't. I had learned to stay out of it after a couple of times and so did my older brother, but my youngest brother never knew how to.


	14. Official

"So, you're officially registered for school." We walked out of the school almost an hour later. "Filled out some paperwork, saw the classroom you're going to be in and even met your teacher. How do you feel?"

"Okay, I guess." Eva still didn't sound very impressed, but I hoped in due time that would change and she would feel more comfortable as time went on. "The lady at the front desk was really nice."

"That's something positive. What about the after school program you signed up for?"

"It looks fun." She stated in a thoughtful voice as we called back to the parking lot. "Does that mean I don't need anyone to watch me while you're at work?"

"For most of it, yes. There are times I may have to go early in the morning and sometimes work late at night, depending on how long the case we're working on goes on. They also have an extended program where they'll take you to stay until I can pick you up, if you want. Or I can try to find someone who can pick you up from your after school program and take you home."

"I don't know. That's a lot of choices."

"Why don't we think about that one and do some grocery shopping?" I tried my hardest to make it sound fun when it really wasn't as I unlocked the car door and she hopped in. Kind of like signing up a child for school was fun at first, but by the time you fill out all the paperwork to get them in, you're exhausted.

"Sure. Let's think about it.."

"I'll even throw in some ice cream. If that's something you would like to have for dessert." Even though my life was a disaster growing up, I still used the same tactic I used for my brothers when they were feeling a little down.

"After our spaghetti?" She clicked the seatbelt into the buckle as she sat back against the seat. Her eyes danced with excitement and I wondered if she had just as much of a sweet tooth as I did. I guess I would find out tonight if that was true or not.

"Yes, after dinner." I replied, climbing into the driver's seat and turning the key in the ignition and the engine sparked to life. "Does that sound like something you'd want to do?"

"Yeah!" Pausing, she put her finger to her mouth as if she were thinking really hard. Not hearing more of an answer, I pulled out of the parking space and we started down the road. "Except I don't even know what your favorite flavor is."

"I'm more of a butter pecan, kind of girl." Turning down another side street, we passed by a bunch of houses with bicycles and various toys scattered in the yard. "What about you, what's your favorite?

"I like vanilla, but I also like mint chocolate chip."

"My younger brother likes mint chocolate chip." Peering into the rearview mirror, Eva was radiating happiness and I couldn't help but smile. "It must run in the family."

"When do I get to meet him?"

"I'm not sure. He still lives back in Minnesota."

"Wait." She got a confused expression on her face as she pulled her seatbelt tighter against her body. "How many brothers do you have?"

"Three. One older than me and two younger."

"So if he lives in Minnesota, where do the other two live?"

"My older brother lives in Virginia and my younger one lives in Ohio."

"And now you live here in Chicago. Don't you miss them?"

"All the time. But we usually travel to Minnesota around Thanksgiving or Christmas, depending on when we can all get together." Signaling to turn, cars rushed down the street and finally cleared so we could turn into the grocery store parking lot.

"Okay, so we'll grab some ingredients for Spaghetti tonight."

"And ice cream." Eva reminded me as we parked and unbuckled. She waited until I opened the door and she hopped out carefully this time. "I don't think I've ever tried butter pecan before. Is it good?"

"Really good."

"I think I want to try it."

"You know you can pick whatever you want. You're not just limited to butter pecan."

"I know." Squeezing my hand, we crossed the street the glass doors parted as we made our way into the store.

"Why don't you grab us a basket." Pointing to the stack by the side of the door, she turned, let go of my hand and grabbed the first basket on top before walking back to me.

"How's this one?"

"Perfect." Nodding my appreciation. "Do you want to hold it or do you want me to?"

"I can hold it."

"It might get kind of heavy with the ice cream." I warned as she put the handle over her shoulders as if she were carrying a purse.

"I can take it."

"Okay." I relented, gesturing over to the third aisle over from where we were standing. "Pasta is over here."

"Barilla Pasta spaghetti is what we need for our noodles."

"Is this it?" Eva pointed to a light blue box labeled Great Value spaghetti pasta as I continued to scan the shelves. "Or this one?"

"That's it." Why don't you grab one of those boxes and we'll go find some sauce. Which reminds me, what kind of sauce do you like on your spaghetti?"

"I don't know." She shrugged her shoulders as we slowly walked back down the aisle. "Red sauce." She paused looking down at her feet. "Sometimes my mom would make it but a lot of times we would just get it out of the jar."

"Okay. Did you put anything in that sauce, like mushrooms or onions?"

"Mushrooms maybe." Looking at all the different options as we passed by, we finally rounded the corner into the next aisle. "I don't really like onions."

"Your father didn't either."

"Really?"

"Really. He used to put all the onions on my plate whenever we would go out to eat."

"No wonder I don't really like onions." Scrunching up her nose, we stopped by the jars of spaghetti sauce. "So are we going to put anything in the sauce?"

"How about we leave it plain this time, and maybe next time we can think of some things to put in the next time we have spaghetti. Things that you like."

"I like that idea."

"I knew you would. Now, how about that ice cream?"


	15. What We Were Looking For

"Hailey?" Eva piped up after we had finished grocery shopping. "What are we going to do now?"

"Well, I think we should have probably put grocery shopping last on our list of things to do, but since we already did it, I was thinking we could make a quick stop at the hardware store for a night light."

"Yes!" She fidgeted in her seat with excitement. "Can I pick out my own?"

"You can."

"What exactly is a hardware store?"

"It's where you can buy things to build in your house-like wood or paint. Or if you have things you want to build for fun." We were well on down the road from the grocery store when the questions kept coming. In all honesty, I had friends who once told me I was lucky not to have a kid who asked me questions all day long. They had no idea I had one, she just wasn't with me.

"Do you ever build things for fun?" Eva's question pulled me from my thoughts as the car in front of us slowed down as a crossing guard helped a bunch of school-aged kids cross the street safely.

"Not in a long time. My brothers and I would attempt to make things but often times we didn't have the materials unless our neighbor gave us something or we found what we needed."

"So if you didn't have the stuff, what did you do for fun?"

"Back then I hung out a lot with my brothers." All the kids crossed and the light turned green as they scattered and disappeared behind us.

"No, I mean now what do you do for fun?"

"Now I like to read, watch movies, and hang out with my team."

"You mean with Jay."

"Sometimes. It depends on what we've got going on that day. Because we deal with hard things, we like to make sure our team is okay."

"Kind of like what a friend does."

"Yeah, I guess you can say that." Crossing one hand over the other, I turned into the side street leading to the hardware store. "Looks like we have a little bit of walking to do. Ready?"

"Yep!" As soon as we parked, I heard metal hitting against the seat as I pulled on the handle release. When we walked through the sliding door a few minutes later, she sniffed at the air. "Hardware stores smell funny. Kind of like libraries, but a different smell."

"What exactly does a library smell like to you?"

"Like old books and dust." Skipping down the long aisle, she followed along as I scanned all the shelves.

"That's an accurate description of a library." Looking down at another shelf, I sighed when I realized we were soon approaching the end of the aisle. "And what does a hardware store smell like to you?"

"I don't know. A hardware store has all sorts of smells-like metal and wood. What do you smell?"

"I smell a little bit of paint and wood." We got to the end of the aisle and I looked up at the information on the sign. As we rounded the corner, I decided we would look down one more aisle before hunting someone down and asking them. But as we went further down the aisle, I found what we had been looking for. "Eva?"

"Coming." I heard her from the other side of the shelf as she appeared and followed my line of sight."Nightlights!"

"See any that you might like?"

"I like this one." She stated quietly, brushing her fingers over a box with a picture of a clear night light with semi-transparent flowers all over it. Her eyes were affixed on it for several seconds before she decided to look at what else they had, but her eyes didn't sparkle like they did with that one night light. "My mom always liked flowers. Are you sure it's okay if I get this?"

"Of course. I'm sure it will look beautiful in your room."

"Then I think we should get it." Eva beamed happily as she held the box close to her body as if she were cradling a doll. "

"Alright. Should we pay for this and go home and eat some lunch?"

"Yeah!" She gave a little leap of excitement as her stomach rumbled slightly. "I'm starving!"

"Me too. It's probably good we only came for the night light because our groceries are still in the car."

"Mhm. And we wouldn't want them to go bad, right?"

"Right." We got in line behind a woman in her twenties with a toddler, clinging to her leg and possibly an eight-month-old hanging out in the seat of the shopping cart. The baby was slightly fussy, throwing his head back and whimpering as he held his arms to be picked up.

"You can get out in a minute." The woman told her son shortly. The little boy threw his head back in response with a quick wail as tears filled his eyes. He sniffled a few times as he focused sadly on Eva. They stared at each other for a good long minute before she got a smile on her face.

"Hi." Eva whispered, waving her hand at the baby. At first he didn't know what was happening, or who was talking to him. His fist clenched up, then he opened his fingers back and forth slowly as he decided to stick his fingers in his mouth instead.

She moved up to unload her things from the cart. It looked as if she had some painting projects as she unloaded several pints of paint, as well as a box of nails and a few other items. She quickly paid for them and left the store; well as quickly as she could as the little boy hung to the cart.

"Hi, there. Did you find everything you needed?" The lady behind the cash register asked as she scanned the box.

"We did, thank you."

"This is a beautiful night light. Did you pick this out?" She asked Eva gently as she placed it into a bag.

"Mhm!"

"Well, it's beautiful."

"Thank you."

"You're very welcome." The older lady beamed her white pearly teeth at her before turning to me. "Okay. Your total comes to twelve dollars and seventy-five cents. How would you like to pay today?"

"Cash." Grabbing my wallet out of my coat, I handed her one ten dollar bill and seventy-five cents exactly that I had dug out from the coin pocket.

"Ten seventy-five exactly." She placed the money in the cash register. "Would you like your receipt in the bag or with you?"

"With me, please."

"There you go." She handed me the very short receipt, to which I stuffed into my jean pocket. "You two have a good day."

"You too."

"Thank you." She waved her hand at the next customer in line as we made our way out the store.. "I can help whoever's next."


	16. New Beginning

"Eva. Come on, it's time to get up." I pulled the covers off her the next morning. Her silhouette was illuminated by the night light we had bought yesterday. "You need to get ready for school and I have to go back to work."

"Do we have to?" Eva moaned, reaching to pull the covers back over her head, but I caught the sheet before she could.

"I'm afraid so." Pulling the sheet back to her waist, she covered her face with her hands. "Come on. You can have some of that cereal you picked out yesterday."

"I wish I could just go to work with you."

"I wish you could too, but that's not an option today. Get dressed, okay? We're leaving in about forty-five minutes."

"Okay." Eva kept her back to me as she sat up. Knowing I wasn't going to get anything else out of her, I closed her door and walked back into the bedroom to finish getting ready.

When I walked back into the kitchen a few minutes later to pull out the cereal, Eva still wasn't out of her room. I wondered if she had fallen back to sleep, but before I could call out to her, she emerged wearing a long sleeve pink shirt, her dark jeans, and white tennis shoes.

"How do I look?"

"You look beautiful."

"Thank you." Holding out her hand to reveal a black ponytail holder, she asked, "Do you think you could put my hair up into a ponytail like yours?" I had pulled my hair up in a little bit higher ponytail this time so it stayed out of my face while I was working.

"I can definitely try. Got a brush?" She reached into her back pocket and pulled out a bright orange hairbrush before turning around so I could fix her hair. "How are you feeling about today?"

"Not great. I woke up a couple of times. My stomach was kind of hurting." She admitted, touching her hand lightly to her stomach, then dropping her hand by her side.

"Your stomach, huh?" I asked with slight concern as I brushed her hair back. "You still worried about school?"

"A little. I don't think I have everything I need for school."

"It's been a while since I've been in elementary school, but I think your teacher will give you a list of things you need for their class. Anything else you're worried about?"

"And if she doesn't?" She shrugged her shoulders at my question like she didn't really want to answer, or maybe she didn't know. My gut was telling me she did have more to say about that but maybe she didn't feel comfortable discussing it with me.

"That's when you ask your teacher nicely. If she does give you a list, maybe we can look over it when we get home tonight."

"I guess. You're picking me up, right?"

"That's the plan." Pulling her hair through the ponytail holder, I pulled the two strands so it was a little tighter. "Remember you have your after school program, so don't go outside and wait for me. I'll find you when I'm ready to pick you up."

"You promise you won't forget?" She looked at me with a worried glance as she felt out her surroundings. Could she trust or not trust me? Would I get so wrapped up in my job that I would forget her?

"I promise I won't forget. How's that?" I inquired about her hair as I set her brush back on the counter.

"It feels good."

"Why don't you go look in the mirror to make sure and then we need to eat breakfast."

"Okay." Vanishing down the hall, I pulled some bowls from the cabinet. She returned just as I was pulling the spoons from the drawer. "Looks good to me."Do I have to eat something if I'm not very hungry?" She looked at the bowl and spoon hesitantly as she rocked back and forth on her knees.

"Your stomach still bothering you?"

"A little."

"I get it. My stomach is kind of doing the same thing."

"Why?" She asked quizzically, moving the bowl slowly towards her body. "You think someone is going to hurt you?"

"Not exactly." Grabbing some scissors from the drawer, I cut a small tear in the plastic so we could pour out the cereal. I'm planning on telling my boss about you before he finds out from somebody else."

"You think Jay will tell him?"

"Jay isn't like that. However, sometimes things have a way of coming out, even when you don't think they will."

"Oh."

"Tell you what." I pushed the box towards her before pulling the carton of milk from the fridge. "Why don't we both try to eat something so we're not starving, and so we both have the energy and courage to do what we have to get through today."

"And if it doesn't give me courage?"

"I probably won't be able to pick you up, but you can go to the office and ask them if you can call me. They have my number."

"Okay." Picking up the cereal apprehensively, she carefully poured a tiny bit into her bowl. "I guess I can eat a little." I smiled as she passed the box back over to me. I wasn't really a cereal person. Not even one who ate breakfast until later on. Maybe it would be good to start. What kind of example would I be setting for my daughter if I didn't?

We ate in silence, eating slowly and carefully. I was doing my best to keep a straight face when all I wanted to go to the bathroom and throw it all up. I wasn't really having headaches anymore. My bruises and cuts were still there but fading. My body wasn't protesting as much as it had been from the pull of the job. However, I still wasn't up to speed physically or mentally, yet I knew I couldn't hide at home forever. I had to own up to Voight. I had seen it many times before when his team wasn't being honest with him and he was not a happy person when that happened. In fact, I still wasn't sure he would be with what I was about to tell him, but it had to be done.


	17. Start Again

We sat there for a full minute in the parking space before I turned off the engine. I took in a few deep breaths, watching the other parents dropping off their kids before driving off to go back home or go to work. Now I was doing the same thing. I was trusting that this school was safe for my daughter. "Hey, it's going to be a good day for both of us, okay?"

"Okay." She gazed up at the school with a frown. I could tell she didn't want to leave. Honestly, I didn't want her to leave either, but I couldn't give up my job. She needed an education, and I wanted her to realize that no matter how hard it was, this was the best thing for her.

"Come on, I'll walk you in." Tipping my chin towards the door, I jumped out as she slowly unbuckled herself from her seat. She took her time getting out, then grabbed her backpack from where it had been sitting on the floor.

She was silent as she grabbed my hand and we walked through the front door, into the front office. "Hi, again." The secretary at the front office grinned up at us. "Here to start your first day of school?"

"Mhm." Eva nodded, leaning into my leg almost a little shyly, even though we just saw her yesterday. I guess she still hadn't warmed up to her, although I had a feeling that would change eventually, especially since Eva was having a hard time with all the change.

"Well, I'm glad you stopped by because I actually have something for you." Pulling out a sack from underneath her desk, the secretary handed it to me. I crouched down beside her so she could look too. Inside was a small white and purple pencil case with a number two pencil, a mechanical pencil, and a big eraser.

"Thank you," Eva said all on her own as I handed the sack to her to carry. She smiled for the first time today, which I didn't think would happen. Smiles were rare with this girl, especially when she was nervous. I didn't blame her. Her adopted parents died, she's living in a new state away from all her friends, and now starting at a new school just after meeting her biological mom.

"Yes, thank you. That was really nice of you to do."

"You're welcome. It's just our way of getting you started on your first day of school. Please let us know if there's anything else we can do for you."

"Just one thing. Do you think it would be alright if I walk Eva into class since it's her first day?"

"That would be just fine." The older lady pushed her chair back from the desk. She was now wearing a rose-colored dress shirt, a black sweater and dark jeans. You got a chance to meet with her teacher yesterday?"

"Yes. Ms. Holliday seems like a very kind person."

"She is. In fact, she's probably down already welcoming her students into class if you two want to head down that way now."

"We will head down there. Thank you."

"You're welcome."

Eva grabbed at my hand again, her pace slowing as we rounded the corner to her class. Ms. Holliday was at the door greeting her students and reminding kids to hang their backpacks up as they went inside.

"Hi, Hailey and Eva, right?" Ms. Holliday gazed over at us she continued to instruct kids or answer their questions.

"Yes." I turned to Eva and crouched down beside her, touching just above her wrists. "Okay, this is it." Eva nodded sadly, casting her eyes towards her classroom. "Remember what I said about calling me if you need me, okay?"

"But what if they don't let me?"

"I'm sure if you ask Ms. Holladay she'll let you go to the office and call." Her teacher nodded in agreement as she watched our interactions. "See, she said yes." I pointed over to her and she gave a smaller nod this time so Eva could see it was okay if she asked.

"Okay."

"I have to get to work. Promise me one thing?"

"What?"

"Try and have a good day?" She looked away from me and I could tell she was trying not to cry. I could already tell this day was probably going to be really long for her. "Promise?"

"You promise you will answer if I call?"

"I will do my best to answer, but if I can't, it's because I'm on a case. I will call when I can, okay?"

"But what if you don't? What if something happens to you?" She asked, her expression full of worry.

"Then I will send someone to come get you."

"Like who?"

"I was thinking Jay for now. But I have to ask him first if that's okay."

"Okay." Her face brightened up a little as a small tear ran down her cheek.

"Alright. That's the bell. It's time for class and I think your teacher is waiting for you to go in." I knew what I had to do but I felt like neither of us wanted to take that next step. Her teacher had been waiting patiently as one or two students came running down the hall and made their way into the classroom.

Eva edged towards the door as I waved goodbye. I didn't want to linger and make it harder for her, so I turned and left. As I made my way back down the hall, I sighed as I could still hear her teacher trying to coax her into coming in. By the time I had reached the middle of the hall, I could tell she was crying. It took everything in me to not turn around and take another sick day so we could stay home together. If only life could be that simple. Instead, I kept walking and braced myself for a day of phone calls.

Honestly, I didn't know what else to do since I hadn't told anybody else about her yet, and it's not as if I could just bring her to work with me. The police department wasn't really a place for kids, and I wanted to keep her out of there as much as possible.


	18. Climbing Stairs

To everyone else, I was arriving back to work after a particularly stressful case. I would have to admit it was strange letting everyone believe that it was, even knowing I would tell them all eventually. Two days in and I was still struggling with the fact I even had a daughter when so long ago I convinced myself I would never see her again. Yet, I knew if I wanted to roll the dice and let it spin out of control, I had to let things work out for better or worse.

Right now I just had to focus all hope on Voight being in his office at this time of the morning. Yet, as I climbed the stairs, I could see it was apparent that the whole floor was empty. I had to admit, it was a nice solitude after a morning of struggles to be able to take in a few deep breaths and let myself stare at the nearest wall for a few minutes.

"Hey." Jay broke through my thoughts as he quickly gazed over at Voight's office, then turned back to me. "How are you holding up?" I could only imagine what he was thinking, although I had a sneaking suspicion he knew why I was here so early.

"It was definitely harder than I thought it was going to be." I breathed out deeply, placing my phone in front of me on the desk like by some magic it was going to ring. "I told her she could call me if she was having a hard time at school."

"That good, huh?"

"Let's just say it was a rough morning," I told him, knowing I didn't have to say much without him knowing how I was feeling about all this. "What brings you to work so early?"

"I have some paperwork to finish from our last case." Pulling out a brown file from a locked drawer, he held it up before tossing it on his desk.

"Okay. So what's the real reason you came in?" I asked again, as he slipped down into his chair with a groan. By the slightly off look on his expression, I knew there was more to what he wasn't saying which is why I prodded him further.

"When you said you were coming in, I figured you would be talking to Voight. I figured you wouldn't mind me being here just in case things went south."

"Thanks." I was appreciative of him coming to back me up just in case. You had to give it to the man; he was one of the most loyal people I had ever met. "It's not Voight I'm really worried about. You know I'm not big about talking about my life."

"Yeah, I do. But if you don't, you know this will come out some other way. Besides, if you're worried about what Voight or anyone thinks, don't go down that road. You had no control over her coming back to you." Jay advised as we heard the squeak of the gate as someone else on the team arrived at the office.

"I have to take this." Pushing my chair back from my desk, I stepped back towards the break room just as I heard heavy footsteps approaching the office. "This is Hailey."

"Hailey, this is Ellen Reynolds, the school secretary at Adlai E Stevenson Elementary School. We talked earlier in the front office."

"Yes, hi. Is everything okay?"

"Eva came down to the office with Ms. Holliday a couple minutes ago. She got her to come into the classroom, but Eva is still having a little trouble with being here at school." Exhaling in and out, I busied myself with brewing a fresh pot of coffee while I was in the breakroom. It was the least I could do to keep my composure with this growing situation.

"Can you put her on, please?"

"Sure. Give me just one second." Ellen handed her the phone and I could tell by her heavy breathing that Eva had been crying.

"Hailey?"

"Hey, I'm here. What's going on?"

"I know you said to try and have a good day, but I can't." Eva hiccupped in between her words. "I'm really tired. My stomach really hurts now."

"I'm sorry you're not having a good day. Is your stomach hurting like it was this morning?"

"I don't know. It just hurts."

"Let me phrase it this way. Is there anything that's happened that made your stomach hurt? Did someone say anything that made you feel upset?"

"No one's talked to me but my teacher."

"And she didn't say anything that made you sad?"

"No." She took in a quick breath as she sniffled back more tears. "After you left, I came into class and sat down, but that just made me feel sadder. I want to go home."

"Which home?"

"The one with my mom and dad. How many hours until I get to come home?"

"I'm going to try and pick you up around five. Maybe I can come a little earlier after I talk to my boss, but it depends on how today goes."

"Are you going to talk to him soon?"

"I'm going to try. I'm just waiting for him to come into the office. Do you think you can go back to class so I can go talk to him?"

"Will you call me when you do?"

"I will call Ms. Reynolds after I talk to him."

"You promise?" Eva asked hopefully, her breath still shuddering a little as she tried to take in a deep breath. She seemed a little more collected than when I had first started talking to her, so I was hopeful she would be okay after this.

"I promise."

"Hey." Jay peaked his head into the breakroom. "Voight just walked in if you want to talk to him."

"Eva. I'm going to talk to my boss now." Heading towards the door, I could feel her anxiety picking up again. " I'll let you know when I talk to him, okay? Can you put Ms. Reynolds back on the phone so I can let her know what's going on?"

"Okay."

Jay stepped in, closing the door behind me as he grabbed two cups off the rack and poured piping hot coffee into both of them before handing me one. I nodded appreciatively as he hung back as I filled in Ms. Reynolds and hung up the phone.

"You okay?" He gauged my reaction as he took a sip of coffee. "That sounded intense."

"Yeah, I'm okay," I stated, feeling my voice falter as we walked back towards the office. "I'm going to let this cool off while I go talk to Voight." Taking deep strides back towards my desk, I placed the mug back by my computer before heading towards his office.


	19. Big Fish

"Hailey." Voight greeted me pleasantly, waving me in. It took a few deep breaths for me to step into his office and close the door behind me."Come in. How are you holding up?"

"I'm hanging in there," I said as enthusiastically as I could, although I could feel myself waning with feelings of doubt at how this conversation was going just by the few minutes I was in here. "Ready to get back to work."

"Huh," Voight grunted, leaning forward in his chair. "If you have something to say, Hailey, say it."

"It's not what you think." Taking in a deep breath, I braced myself for what would come from this. "It has to do with Booth and something that happened a long time because of him."

"I'm listening."

"I don't have to tell you how much I blame Booth for making my old partner disappear." He nodded in agreement, pressing his fingers together on the desk. "There's no denying we were close. Garrett and I were planning on becoming something more than partners."

"Were you?" Voight raised his eyebrow in what seemed like interest but also some concern. I knew he would have a slew of questions. I could see the wheels turning, but I knew he would only ask the ones he needed to right now.

"We had talked about getting married and having kids, but after he disappeared, that all went away." Okay, so I kind of answered his question in an indirect way, but I couldn't seem to get the words out like they were forming in my head. " I found out I was pregnant with a little girl not too soon after, and I made the hard decision to give her up for adoption."

"Adoption." He repeated, the light beginning to spark in his eyes to what this conversation was leading to. I just hoped he took it the right way. It was one thing to keep secrets, but it was another thing if those secrets somehow came to light without knowledge of it. They always did, which is why I always held to the fact that honesty was always the best policy. "This little girl, where is she now?"

"As of a couple days ago, with me. I found out her parents died in a car accident last week."

"Last week? What took them so long to track you down?"

"When I was at the hospital, I was advised by my boss, Arthur Carson, to put a fake name on the certificate as the mother just in case he ever tracked me down."

"Your boss, he helped you put the baby up for adoption?" Eyebrows rising, he rocked back and forth in his chair as he came to terms with one of his detectives coming forward with something that could potentially impact his team in the near future.

"Yeah," I finally felt comfortable enough to take a seat in front of his desk, yet there was nothing comfortable about sitting there in front of him. "At the time, I was a wreck. I wasn't ready to be a mother and he knew that."

"You did what you had to do to keep her safe. I'm going to assume after you gave her up for adoption, you had no contact with the adoptive parents?"

"None at all." I had always tried to stay honest, and this time was no different. As many times as I had wanted to find my daughter, I knew I couldn't as long as Booth was alive. She was not some toy or puppet he could play with, and I wouldn't allow her to be played with. "To keep her anonymous, my boss and I made a deal that I would not make any contact with her or the adoptive parents. Her parents could tell her she was adopted, and when she was older, she could make the decision to find me if she wanted to."

"Huh. And your boss, I'm assuming kept tabs on your little girl, or how else would he have known she was being put into the system?"

"A lot of that day is blurry, but I do remember Carson specifically promising me he would keep her safe. I've never had a reason not to trust him. He wanted to track Booth down as much as Garrett and I did." Don't think that hadn't thought about that. I had lots of time to think about all the little factors and why taking Eva in without checking first wasn't ringing any alarms in my head.

Of course, I had always had that instinct that the social worker was telling the truth, or else I would have alerted Platt to the fact that this woman was lying and to have her escorted out of the building. The way Carson had always talked about it, he made it seem like Eva's adoption was always airtight. Yet, I still wondered why he would give her back to me when she could have been adopted by a loving family somewhere else.

"Okay. Regardless, I would still like to talk with your boss. I don't have to tell you what this looks like with the timing of Booth being arrested and that little girl coming into your life. Maybe it was her time to come to you. I want to make sure that's all it is." Nodding my permission, I stood after feeling like this conversation was coming to a close. "And Hailey?"

"Yeah?" I was just reaching out for the doorknob when I turned back around to face him. As thankful as I was that he wasn't angry, I knew this whole thing was far from being over with. I still had to figure out how to introduce the rest of the team to the team, and to my own family.

"I would like to meet your daughter when you're ready to share her with the rest of the world." He told me as I left the door open and nodded in silent agreement before leaving his office. I could feel everyone's gaze on me as I did. Everyone knew that if you went into Voight's office and closed the door, it was usually for personal reasons. It was hard to think about what those reasons were sometimes.


	20. Collateral Damage

Sitting back down at my desk, I tried to ignore what everyone was thinking. I didn't have to do that long, as Voight's phone rang and all eyes were on him awaiting instructions. His face looked grim as he walked out into the bullpen.

"Shots fired at 1360 South Waycrest. We're getting reports of three DOA victims." His eyes then flickered to me before moving among the team. "One of them is a seven-year-old boy. We need all hands on deck for this one. Atwater and Ruzek will meet us at the scene."

Jay and I shared a look as we pushed back from our desks at the same time. Child involved cases were already hard to deal with. I now had a daughter that age, which made the case that more personal. I already felt such empathy for the mother.

We walked quickly, all spreading out to our vehicles in the parking lot before heading out to the scene. Jay drove, which was fine with me. "You good with taking this case?" He asked after five minutes of silence in the car.

"I'm good." Shoving my hand into my jacket, I pulled my phone out, only to see my screen was only showing the time, not notifications of any missed calls. "I'm just surprised Eva hasn't talked the school secretary into calling me again."

"She knows you're busy. What did you tell her when you were on the phone with her earlier?"

"I told her I would try and pick her up early, but if not I would try and pick her up around five." Placing my elbow by the window, I laid my palm against my forehead. "I spaced asking Voight if I could leave early, so I guess I'll ask him when we get a minute."

The conversation grew silent as we pulled up to the scene; an old rundown apartment building with overgrown bushes and rusty gates. Voight, Antonio, and Kim pulled up just seconds before we had. Jay and I showed our badges to the officer guarding just beyond the police line and we all proceeded just inside the front area by where the mail was collected.

"Jay, I want you to interview anyone pulled from the building." Voight announced, pointing out the front door as we gathered together. "Kim and Hailey, I want you to see what information you can gather about the little boy and interview the mother. See if there's anything she may know about the shooting. Antonio, you and I are going to check out what Ruzek and Atwater have on the DOA guards. Report back to me when you got something."

"Copy." We all stated one after another before scattering to our various assignments. Voight and Antonio stopped to talk to a police officer, while Kim and I headed upstairs.

"Hey, so I didn't get a chance to see how you were doing after the case the other night." Kim began the conversation as we ascended the stairs.

"I'm doing okay, thanks. Nothing hurts as much as it did. I just needed a few days to figure things out." Showing our badges to a broad shouldered officer, we donned our gloves and stepped lightly into the room.

"Good to know." Kim said behind me as she snapped on her own gloves and immediately took to observing the little boy who was being prepped to be moved by forensics. "Poor little boy was just an innocent victim in all this. Probably sleeping on the couch when it all went down."

"Yeah. This door wasn't much help in protecting him either." I grasped the wood, looking at all the bullet holes riddled through the wood. This door is nothing compared to the ones you're supposed to have in a building or home."

"Frank, what can you tell me about the little boy?" Kim questioned the coroner as he stood up on his feet. He was an older man, rounded belly that matched his bald head. We had the pleasure of working with him almost every time we had a body to investigate.

"As far as I can tell, he was well-cared for and healthy. Died almost instantly, so at least we know he didn't suffer."

"Thanks, Frank." I offered as we continued to look through the house to make sure there was nothing we had missed. We both stopped in the doorway of the little boy's room. "Looks like it was just the two of them." The thin mirror had lots of pictures of different sizes held up by tape around the dark wood frame. Some from when he was a baby, playing soccer, of him and his mom at different stages in his life.

"He looked so happy. He didn't deserve this." Kim stepped in front of the mirror with heavy steps.

"No, he didn't." What little kid deserves to die ruthlessly just because he was sitting on a couch? No one. He didn't ask for someone to shoot through the door. He didn't make that decision, but someone sure made that decision for him. "I'm going to fill Voight in with what we've found so far. I'll meet you back here in a few minutes and we can go talk to his mom."

"Sounds good."

"Happened right before we got here." I heard Adam fill in Voight and Antonio as I exited the apartment and followed them to the one next door to where the guard was located. "By the time we arrived, shooters were already in the wind."

"Huh." Voight and Antonio passed through the door first as they assessed what went down in the room. "It's another stash house rip." We had plenty of those cases lately, and yet we couldn't exactly stop what was going down yet, unfortunately.

"Yeah, and they got the hell up out of here, Sarge," Kevin added onto what Voight had described just a minute ago. "Dropped a couple bricks of heroin on the way out. No cash."

"Huh."

"Bricks have a cobra logo this time. Adam piped up, pointing to the brick sitting on the second yellow plaid mattress beside the body. "Both guards were dead, just like the other rips."

"Sarge." Tipping my chin towards the hall so we could talk and move onto the next objective, he finished up his instructions to Antonio, Kevin, and Adam.

"Okay, get the casings to ballistics. See if they're a match with the other robberies."

"Copy." Ruzek acknowledged as Voight stepped out into the hall.

"Door down the hall may as well have been paper. Bullets went flying through it. Little boy in there was collateral damage."

"Mm." It was clear Voight felt the way we were all feeling, and that was that this little boy should have never been killed because of it. His mother shouldn't have the horror of finding her son shot in the head, and then have it confirmed by two cops that he was never coming back.


	21. What Did You See?

"Hey, Sarge. I know we're on an active case, but I was hoping I could take off a little earlier than I usually do." I looked around to make sure there was no one else within earshot as we walked halfway down the hall.

"You do what you need to do to get back on track," Voight said in understanding, knowing what we had talked about earlier that morning. "Keep me informed on what you get from the little boy's mother."

"Copy."

"Hey, so I found out the little boy's name is Felix Montero," Kim said, walking up to me. Now I understood why he had wrapped our conversation so quickly. "Found a photo album sitting out in the living room. There was a picture dated last month from his seventh birthday party. "This is one part of the job I don't like."

"Yeah," I sighed, digging my hands into my pockets. "I get it. I feel the same way."

"You ready to go to talk to the mother?"

"Actually, I need to make a quick phone call. I'll meet you in the lobby in about five?"

"Okay," Kim agreed with slight confusion in her voice, although she went with it. "I will see you down there." Waiting until she disappeared around the corner, I walked a few feet from the crime scene, pulled out my phone and dialed.

"Adlai E Stevenson Elementary, this is Ellen." The school secretary answered after two rings. There was something about this lady that I loved from the very first time I met her.

"Hi, Ellen. This is Hailey Upton."

"Hi, Hailey. How are you?"

"I'm good, thanks." I moved further down the hall as forensics came out of the little boy's apartment. "Can you please let Eva know I will pick her up somewhere around four-forty five today?"

"I will let her know."

"Thanks. How is she doing?"

"She's still in class, so I'm going to say she's doing okay, but I will check up on her when I take this message down to her and I will let you know."

"That would be great. I may not be able to respond but please let me know if there are any more issues that come up."

"We'll do what we can to resolve them. If we can't we'll let you know."

"Thank you." I appreciated her school was making such an effort to help Eva. I could only hope that continued. "Bye." Hanging up the phone, I sighed in relief as I reached the bottom of the stairs to just beyond where Kim was waiting in the lobby.

"You good?"

"Yeah, I'm good," I confirmed, changing the subject back to our case. "Where's the mom at?"

"She's waiting outside." Kim pointed outside the door as I peered around the corner. "Two friends showed up a few minutes ago." Following Kim, we approached the victim's mom cautiously.

"Mrs. Montero," Kim spoke to her gently. It was easy to notice the woman was still in shock and a shell of what she used to be. "I'm Officer Burgess. This is Detective Upton. We're so sorry about your loss. If it 's okay, we'd like to ask you a few questions."

"I'm okay." She told her friends, who were questioning whether she was up for the task. When she had confirmed she was, her friends reluctantly left her side. "Thank you."

"Did you see what happened?" I tried my best to pull her attention back to gathering any information we could use to find who murdered her son. At the same time, it was hard not to feel broken for her. He was the only thing she had left.

"No." Mrs. Montero responded numbly, staring right past us to the open door of the building. "I was in the shower. Then I heard loud bangs from the hallway." It was hard to put my feelings aside, that whatever might happen to me, Eva could be in the same situation one day.

"Do you know who's living in the apartment where the shooting happened?" Kim prodded a little further.

"We just moved in. It was supposed to be a better neighborhood." The way she said _we just moved in _ate at me a was nothing she could have done, but yet you could see it in her eyes; she blamed herself.

"Okay. Did you see anyone suspicious? Someone running away. Someone." Jotting down the information, Kim paused as Mrs. Montero's gaze faltered towards a group of four men standing just behind the police line. They were making her nervous, which made at least me wary that they might have something to do with the shooting. Their stares were more than intimidating, which seemed to rattle her a little.

"They always tell you, whatever happens, you never talk to the police. But I don't care." She stated boldly, gaining confidence as she turned back to us. Almost as if she was sending them a message that she no longer cared what they thought. "These animals took my boy."

"What did you see, Sarah?" I prompted, pulling her full attention back to our conversation.

"Two men going down the fire escape."

"Can you describe them?" Kim questioned, pen in hand and ready to write down any more information, although I had a feeling we wouldn't be getting much more from her.

"Latinos. Young, like twenty."

"Okay, anything else?"

"They had ski caps." Mrs. Montero mentioned, keeping her eyes intentionally off the growing crowd of people. Some were from the building, others had stopped by with wonder of what was happening.

"Ski caps."

"And they drove off in a dark car." She rubbed at the side of her forehead in a more than a stressed way. Being out here talking to us, relieving what happened to her was the furthest thing from her mind, no doubt. "After I heard all the shooting, I-I went to look for Felix. He wasn't feeling well. He was taking a nap. And there he was, blood everywhere." Suddenly, her eyes shot up as forensics brought her son down, covered and wheeled down the sidewalk on a stretcher. Her breathing increased, her knees seemed to buckle as she wailed over and over, "No...no my boy." Kim and I grabbed her arms as she watched in horror.

"We're going to stay with you, okay?" I whispered as much comfort as I could muster at that moment, but she gave one small nod as we helped her to the car. "Come with us."


	22. Drive

After seeing her son on that stretcher, Mrs. Montero couldn't stop sobbing and looking back at the van carrying her son until we had closed the passenger door of the SUV. Kim rode in the back while I drove, offering what comfort she could to the grieving mother.

We drove her back to the police department in silence. She had calmed down halfway through the ride, which was a good sign that maybe we could talk to her a little more. If we couldn't do that, we could at least offer her a place to lay low for a while.

"You took me to the police department?" She asked as I parked near the back door where we would enter into the building. I don't understand. Am I in some kind of trouble?"

"No trouble." Kim looked at me for confirmation as I nodded from the driver's seat. " We thought maybe it would be better if we could talk in a quiet area, okay?"

"Okay." A single tear ran down Mrs. Montero's cheek. I could only imagine what she was thinking as soon as she saw where we were taking her. The agony she was feeling at being separated from her son. "Come on. We'll show you where to go."

Unlocking the side door, it creaked open as we led her through the building into an empty room. As Kim and Mrs. Montero got settled, I went to grab her some water from the cooler and placed it on the table beside her.

"Thanks." Mrs. Montero grabbed the styrofoam cup with both hands to pull in front of her, but instead of drinking, she held onto it. "Do either of you have children?" I opened my mouth to say something but quickly thought better of it. There was no way I was spilling about Eva to a mother who just lost her son.

"No,." Kim answered quietly as we both sat across from her at the table. In a way, her response was indirectly mine as well. What she deserved was the honest truth, but not here. Not now.

"When you do, they become your pride and joy." Her eyes settled on mine as if she knew I was a mother. "You want to do everything for them. You want to protect them, even when you can't. I should have been there for my little boy, but I wasn't." The tears now threatened to spill down her cheeks.

"You couldn't have known someone was going to come into the apartment with a gun. This is on the person responsible for killing your son."

"I could have made him lay down in his room, but he wanted to watch cartoons in the living room. I never thought-" Trailing off, she covered her mouth with her hand as the realization dawned on her that she could have prevented this. If it was only life was that simple and we could see what was going to happen before it did. If that were the case, I could have seen Eva coming back into my life.

"Your son liked cartoons." I piped up, redirecting her attention back on something else than blaming herself about her son's death.

"If I had let him, he would have watched cartoons every minute of every day." Her expression lit up then fell into a frown, like the shock from earlier was wearing off. "He loved anything superhero related. He wanted to be a cop. I know if he was here, he would have been right at home. What you do for people like me, I know he's in good hands, but at the same time I just want my son back."

"We're going to do everything to catch the person responsible. In the meantime, is there anyone we can call to stay with you for a few days?"

"No. We don't have anyone. My husband died when Felix was six. My parents died about ten years ago and my husband's mom is in a nursing home."

"What about the people we saw you with earlier?" Kim pressed gently, leaning forward in her chair.

"Rebecca and Ana. They live in the apartments downstairs. I don't know if I can go back right now."

"Okay," I assured her, gesturing over to Kim who pulled out her phone from her pocket. "We'll see if we can get you a hotel to stay at while your apartment is being processed."

"So what happens now?" She questioned as she watched Kim stand up from the table. I silently assured her I had this and she left the room to make the call.

"Forensics will continue you to process your apartment, and the coroner will do an autopsy on your son to make sure we didn't miss anything that could help us catch who did this."

"I appreciate it, I do. I just can't believe I'm here and he's not." She looked up at the ceiling as if she were asking why her son was ripped from her arms. "How do I live with myself now that he's gone? What do you do when you see these kinds of things happening in your own city?"

"You take it minute by minute because sometimes that's all we can do," I told her, feeling like I should take my own advice on this one.

"And when we can't even do that?" Her voice was growing hoarse as her eyes filled with more unshed tears.

"You get help from those you love most. If that doesn't help, you go to a professional who is trained in handling everything you're feeling." She nodded just as Kim slipped back into the room.

"I just talked to my boss. He is making the call now to set you up with a room. They should be ready for you by the time we get there. Whenever you're ready to go, no rush."

"I think I'm ready." She stood up shakily, pressing her hands onto the table to steady herself. "I think I need to lay down for a little while."

"Okay. We'll take you there." Kim told her as we followed close by just in case she almost collapsed. She suddenly looked exhausted as we walked out of the building and back to the SUV. It was hard to see her look so defeated as she slowly climbed in.


	23. You're Not Alone

Kim and I dropped her off at the hotel about ten minutes later with the intention that if she needed us, she had our number. I doubted we would hear from her again. We rarely ever did unless they were in some kind of trouble.

"I think that is the most intense case we've had in a while and this case isn't even over yet." Kim blew out a deep breath as she laid her head against the seat, momentarily closing her eyes.

"Cases dealing with children are never easy or inevitable but we have to figure out a way to deal with them when they come." Turning the key to the ignition, we took off back to the office. When we came up the stairs, Jay was sitting at his desk and Voight had his door closed and was on the phone.

"Hey, how did it go with the mother of the little boy?" Jay asked both of us as he looked up from the file he had been studying. I didn't know how much Voight had filled him in, but he still looked curious to see how everything went.

"She gave us some information to go off of, but she didn't see who killed her son." Kim said, draping her coat back over her chair as she described what Felix''s mom had told us. "Latinos, young and in their twenties who were wearing ski masks and drove a dark car"

"I didn't get very much from the witnesses when I was talking to them. Many of the people who live in those apartments were too afraid to come out after they heard the gunshots. One said she peered out the door to see men in masks running down the hall, but she didn't get a good look at them."

"That's not a lot to go off."

"We've gone on less." Jay reminded her, his expression staying neutral and calm. "Voight is working on a few leads. I'm going through cases we've had similar to this one. Kevin and Adam are still at the crime scene going through what happened. We'll find something."

"Okay. I'm going to get some coffee. Anyone want some?"

"No, thanks," I responded, scooting my chair up to my desk. "But I will grab my lunch while we have a minute." I followed her to the break room as she walked behind me to get to the coffee. I peered into the fridge, momentarily feeling the cold air on my face. I could hear Kim stirring in some creamer as I grabbed my container off the top shelf. "Hey, so I know you asked me earlier if everything was good."

"Is it? Because you haven't seemed like yourself since you came back."

"Yeah." Smiling softly, I didn't agree or disagree with that. Ever since I had caught Booth, I was experiencing an array of emotions and trying to find myself again. Why couldn't I tell her? This team had become like my family, but whenever I tried it was hard to get the words out they didn't come out so well. "I guess you could say I have a lot of things to figure out. For so many years, finding Booth has been my main objective."

"I get it. I do. Just remember you're not alone in all this."

"I know, thanks." I walk out the door, letting out a big sigh as I return to my desk. Jay is still sitting there. No one else had seemed to come in, which was good. I didn't have to try and explain myself to anyone else..I knew without having to look up that he was reading the expression on my face. It's what we did as partners. One of us wasn't okay and the other knew without having to ask.

"Want to talk about it?"

"Not here." I took a bite of my sandwich, looking at the big stack of files on his desk that had somehow appeared from the time I had walked to the breakroom. "Need some help looking through those files?"

"Sure." Handing a few files over the desk, I brushed the crumbs off my hands back into the container. Kim returned back to her desk a few minutes later with her coffee. Adam and Kevin returned half an hour later, just as Jay and I were going through the last few files. All of us took turns hanging up pictures on the board and writing down information relevant to the other robbery cases, as well as this one. Voight would come out from time to time to see where we were at with the case, but we weren't getting too far.

"Hailey." Jay caught my attention as he tapped on his watch as things were dying down. How had time flown by so quickly? I peered at the time on my computer and realized I only have about fifteen minutes to get down to the school.

"Taking off?" Adam questioned, stopping me in my tracks. I could feel everyone's eyes on me as I spun back around.

"Yeah, I have a few personal things to take care of. So I'll see you all tomorrow." Not going into great detail, I descended the stairs as quickly as possible and made a beeline for the door. I could have sworn I heard my name, but I was in a hurry and didn't have time to check.

As soon as I was out, I did my best to take in a few deep breaths. I had been one to keep secrets when my dad beat my mom over and over. When he laid a hand on us and screamed at the top of his lungs because we did something he didn't like. That's the easiest way I learned to survive. Much better than having to explain myself every time I had a bruise.

_So the team is definitely getting suspicious. _My phone chimed just as I climbed into my car. Of course, that text was from Jay who was giving me a heads up. It was definitely possible to hold them off a little longer, but I came to the realization that if I had to leave every day, the rest of the team would wonder where I was off to.

_Thanks for the heads up. _Tossing my phone into the cup holder so I wouldn't be distracted, I heard it chime again as I was driving down the street.

_Don't worry about what they'll think. You've got this. _I finally read the message as I parked in front of the school.


	24. One Good Thing

Walking up to the door, I placed my phone in my back pocket. I wasn't half expecting the security guard to be standing there as I walked into the building."Thank you."

"You're welcome." The man was maybe in his early fifties. His dark-rimmed glasses were just a little darker than his skin. "I've never seen you here before. You must be new?"

"I just enrolled my daughter here yesterday. She's in the after school program?"

"Ah. Then we'll just need to check you in. What's your name?" He grabbed his clipboard that had been sitting on the edge of his chair.

"Hailey Upton. My daughter's name is Eva Busby."

"Perfect. I'm just going to have to see some ID." He informed me as I pulled my driver's license out of my wallet and handed it to him. Having this extra security actually made me feel a little more at ease knowing they didn't just let anybody walk into the school and take a kid home.

"Hailey Upton. Here is your card back." Holding the card between his fingers, I took it and placed my wallet back into my jacket.

"Thank you."

"It was nice meeting you, Hailey. I hope you have a wonderful night." He said most pleasantly as he opened the door for me to walk through.

"You too." Walking through to the hallway, I looked over at the office that was now dimmed and empty. I made a mental note to ask the front desk how today had really gone as I walked another few feet into the gym. Children were busily scattered around, participating in different activities. Some were playing with basketballs or soft dodgeballs, while another large group was running around the gym playing tag.

I had hoped she was somewhere in that crowd, laughing and having fun. Instead, I found her with her notepad on her lap, head down and focused as she worked on her latest drawing. She wasn't too focused on what was happening around her, so I had the element of surprise on my side. "Hey, you. What do you have there?"

"It's a lilac." Eva hesitated momentarily as it took her a minute to realize it was really me, then grew animated as she described the flower she had drawn."Here's the stem that holds all the little tiny flowers. I messed up a couple of times, but I got it now."

"I like it!"

"Thanks." Her eyes fluttered up to two boys standing more by one of the moveable basketball hoops "Did you do anything else while you were here?"

"Not really. I was bouncing a ball around for a while but my arms got tired and I'm not really good at playing basketball." She frowned up at the moveable hoop before throwing all her markers into the bottom of her bag.

"You know what? Neither am I."

"Really?"

"Really. I never played basketball when I was in school. " Stretching out my legs, I stood back upright. "What do you say we get out of here and go eat some dinner?"

"Like what?"

"Well, I was thinking we could have spaghetti again tonight and go to the store after dinner. Any ideas?"

"Mm." Her lips twisted in thought as she grabbed her bag off the gym floor. "Tacos?"

"Tacos. Okay, I can go with that. Anything else? We should probably plan on more than one thing for the week so we don't have to go to the store every other day."

"I don't know." Shrugging her shoulders, we slowly walked out of the gym as we made conversation. "What do you usually eat?"

"Working a lot sometimes means I have to grab whatever I can eat, which means a lot of easy meals, like tacos, spaghetti, or stir fry." Pushing open the door, we nodded goodbye to the security guard before stepping outside.

"That's all you eat?"

"No, those were just examples of some things I eat."

"Oh."

"So I know today was a rough start." I braced myself for what was to come, knowing how much of a struggle it was to get her off to school in the first place. "I wanted to check and see how you were feeling about going to school."

"It's okay, I guess."

"Yeah?" Unlocking the door, we crossed from the parking lot to the car. "What's one good thing that happened today?"

"I had tater tots for lunch." It took her a few minutes to think of something, but she finally did as she pulled her seatbelt across her body.

"Tater tots. I don't think I've had those since elementary school."

"They're good. We also had carrots, some kind of chicken and a chocolate chip cookie."

"That sounds like a delicious lunch." My stomach rumbled at the mention of food, which was sort of a welcomed sight since I hadn't much of an appetite lately. Closing the door, we went on our way. I could tell there was still something bothering her as I peered at the backseat through the rearview mirror. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No." Shaking her head, she went back to watching the passing scenery out the window until we got home. I shut off the engine and closed the garage door as she sat there before breaking from her thoughts and slid out of the car.

"Why don't you go in and wash up." I left my door open so I could reach over and grab my gun and badge out of the glove compartment. "I'll be in in a minute."

"Okay." With a sigh, I watched her drag her bookbag behind her into the house. I slipped into the house a few minutes later to lock them up in the safe in my room and to change out of the clothes I had been in all day.

I chose a dark blue flannel shirt and grey sweatpants to lounge around in and let my hair fall around my shoulders as I returned to the kitchen to heat up some leftovers. It felt like a particularly long day, so it was nice to just relax for a little while before we had to do this all over again. I was already concerned that tomorrow would be another repeat of today, but that was still left to be unseen.


	25. Spelling Woes

"I'm done." Eva climbed down from the stool as she reached for her plate. She had said nothing else about what was eating at her, but I hoped she would come to me when she was ready.

"You must have been hungry. Why don't you go wash up." Handing me her plate, she scurried down the hall. "And show me any homework you have."

"Okay." Hearing her do what I asked, I went back to eating and then put the noodles and sauce back into the fridge. The water turned off a couple of minutes later and I heard her pad back into her room. When I turned around, she had a packet of papers in hand. "Here."

"Let's see what we've got here. _Eva, we are so happy to have you with us in class. Here are all the worksheets we have done this past week. Please return them by next Monday-Ms. Holliday_."

"I also have a spelling sheet that I think I have to take back tomorrow." Showing me the last paper in her hand, she set it on the counter next to the packet.

"Tell you what? Why don't we save the packet until tomorrow since we still need to go to the store tonight." I was confident we could at least get one or two pages done each day. "Looks like we have uppercase and lowercase letters, short vowels, addition, and subtraction, match the baby animals and color the American flag."

"I like matching." She flipped through a few pages of the packet as she took it off the counter. "Everything else is okay, I guess."

"You like coloring."

"Oh, yeah. Can we do spelling now?"

"Sure. Why don't you get a pencil." Sitting down at the counter, I read over the instructions and all the words as she disappeared into her room again.

"Got it." She stifled a yawn as she scrambled up to her usual seat. "What do I do?"

"Write each of these words three times."

"Okay."

"Thu ." Sounding out the word, she focused on writing each letter. Her biggest trouble seemed to be writing the e, which she erased several times with a sigh. It took several encouraging nods on my part before she tried again and succeeded.

"Ca at. Cat." This time she wrote the word a little bit faster. This group of letters seemed easier for her and she moved onto the next word in no time.

"Bah u. Bus."

"Which way does the b go?"

"Oh." She erased it, studying the printed letter before trying again as she rocked back and forth on her knees. As she finished, she looked at the next word and frowned. "Dad." She didn't even need to sound that one out as her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey, come here. You're okay." Pulling her into my lap, she didn't resist like I thought she would. Instead, she curled into me. Instinct told me she needed that human touch that only a mother could provide, even though I was still scared that I would do the wrong thing. "What's going on in here?" I tapped on the side of her head gently after several minutes of silence.

"I don't know." She shrugged, bringing her cheek to rest against my arm. "I miss him. But I don't want to be sad." Her words sounded so innocent, yet they were mixed with sadness and confusion. "I can't sleep when I'm sad."

"Have you been sad that you can't sleep?"

"Kind of." Wiggling back and forth with a bit of anxiety wavering, she finally drew her legs into my lap. "The night light helps a little."

"I'm glad to hear that. Look, I know that right now doesn't feel like what you're used to, but I want you to know that you can always wake me up or call me if I'm not here, especially when something doesn't make sense to how you're feeling."

"Feeling where?"

"In here." I tapped the side of her head gently with my index finger. "When you go through so much change, sometimes it can mess with the way you feel in your head. Does that make sense?"

"A little." Sitting up, she stretched her hand towards grabbing the paper and pencil just out of reach on the counter and pulled them towards her, but she made no move to do any more spelling. Instead, she looked confused as she turned to play with the top button of my shirt."What if the words won't come out?"

"Then you keep trying until it does." I tried my best to display how important it was for her to know. The way you're feeling right now is something most people have experienced, so you are not alone in this."

"Even you?"

"Even me," I confirmed, as her legs fell against mine. "And you know what? As hard it is to go through, I feel like in the end, we come out stronger."

"Stronger how?"

"What we're going through now, we use to deal with the next hard thing that comes up. Whether that means making new friends again, getting used to a new job or losing the people we love, or something else, we just have to remember that we're not alone in what we're going through.

"I'm scared I'll never make a friend." She admitted, turning her head away so I couldn't see the expression on her face, but I knew by her body language that she was still sad about talking about old memories. "I miss my friends at my old home."

"I bet you had a lot of good memories with your friends."

"Ellie and Hannah were my best friends. We played with dolls and made them ride on stuffed animals."

"What kind of stuffed animals?"

"Mostly horses, bears and ponies" Her eyes lit up as she talked about her adventures. "Sometimes they would bring stuffed animals over so we could have something new to play with. Do you ever miss your friends?"

"All the time. I had a friend named Melanie that I would always hang out with in elementary school. Actually, we met around the same age you are now."

"Was she nice?"

"Extremely nice. Her dad was in the military though, so she moved away about a year later."

"Did you ever find her?"

"No, I never did." A part of me wondered what had happened to her. She never knew my secrets which I had always felt guilty for. If and when we got the chance to hang out, we would always go to her house. Although she had questioned many times why we never hung out at my house, I had always made an excuse why we couldn't because of my dad. I had repeated that same pattern over the years, as the last thing we needed was for someone to find out our sad story and share it with the rest of the world.


	26. Time

"Hey." His voice was quiet as I approached my desk, more because he was slightly distracted by observing his partner walking up the stairs. It was something we did often, reading each other's thoughts without having to say a word. Still, I knew he wanted to ask, just by that curious look in his eyes. "How did everything go this morning?"

I held up my index and thumb about an inch away from each other to signify there had been little change since yesterday's fiasco. Eva had held off panicking until we were walking down the hall. As she dug her heels into the ground, I had no choice but to sigh in frustration and park us on the passing bench for several minutes waiting for her to calm down.

Jay sighed heavily, the reality of it hitting him even though I had put nothing into words. Whether it was my tiredness or worry etching across my face, I knew he was holding off asking because the team was already there at the office So we did the only thing we could do, burying ourselves in this case until we could physically talk through things.

While he went back to searching through any information about the case, I went through running prints of the two men we had found back at the apartment. That was one thing that had been put on the back burner and I wanted to get it done to see if we could identify who these two were and if they could tell us exactly why they had been targeted.

Just as I got the results, the team gathered with Antonio at the forefront leading to today's discussion. "The rip followed the same MO as our previous two. They blast the doors open, kill everybody inside, grab money and product and get the hell out of there."

"Just ran the prints of the two dead guys." Standing up, I grabbed the pictures from the file and walked up to present my findings. "Nothing. No names, no criminal history." With that, I handed the pictures to Antonio, so he could add them to the ever-growing list of victims and how they connected to the other cases.

"That makes six dead bangers." Jay frowned slightly, folding his arms over his chest as he took a seat between his desk and mine.

"And Felix Montero. Just turned ten." I added, the weight of sorrow reflecting in all of our faces as I held up his picture and Antonio added it to the board with a hardened grimace. Now that I had Eva, I was starting to understand why cases like this really got to him more than anyone else.

"We talked to Felix's mom." Kim piped up, bringing me from my thoughts as she swung her cornflower colored cup back and forth. "She says she saw two Latino's, 20's, but that's all we got."

"Somebody had to see them," Kevin added with a shrug as he searched over all the pictures, clearly reaching for a lead, a direction or somewhere that didn't feel like we were going to hit a dead end. "They didn't just disappear out of thin air."

"Alright, so let's double down on the traffic cams, start canvassing for more witnesses." Voight piped up, giving us the direction we had been seeking since this case began.

"Ask me, we should assume this is an inside job," Al stated confidently, putting his two cents in. "You don't get the address of a stash house in the yellow pages." He had a point. Just how did these perpetrators know where to blow out the door and steal the drugs?

"Hmm," Voight grunted, which I figured could mean a range of things from, you make a good point to run with it and see where it goes.

"Ah, he's right." Antonio supported the idea as he gestured over at the photos of the men, who even though they had been doing the wrong thing, had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. "I mean, these guys aren't just getting lucky. They know where to go and when to go."

"You know, it could be someone inside the Latin Hoods." Jay sat up a little straighter on the desk. "I'm going to reach out to a buddy in Gangs."

"Good, chase that." Voight gave him the go-ahead as I watched Al hesitate slightly as he waited for Voight to finish. "Everybody else, reach out to your CI's, and put some money on the street." Knowing he was finished, we all grabbed our jackets and headed out to the parking lot. Kevin and Adam had paired up and were off. Kim hopped into her own car moments later which finally left us alone.

"I take it things didn't go very well when you dropped Eva off today?" As he turned the key in the ignition, it created a moment to collect my the noise died down.

"You really know how to start a conversation." I chuckled, sort of relieved we were finally alone to talk, then realized I hadn't answered his question. "I had to physically carry her down the hall and she ran back to me twice before I had to have a heart to heart with her."

"That's rough. Anything I can do to help?" Leave it to Jay to volunteer, despite not being particularly comfortable around children.

"No right now, no. I think this is just something that Eva and I are going to have to figure out." I saw him nod slightly, eyes still focused on the road. "I was thinking about also calling her social worker and seeing if she can tell me anything about her life with the Busby's."

"You think something's off?"

"I don't know yet for sure, but I'm wondering if anyone has offered Eva any counseling or really talked to her about her parent's death. I would imagine she got to go to their funeral. My old boss mentioned they had been searching for me for about a week before coming to Chicago."

"If she didn't get to, she might not be getting the closer she needs," Jay mentioned, taking a turn down a back road towards some older rundown buildings. "Don't most schools have some kind of psychologist or counseling?"

"Maybe," I said, even though I partially knew the answer to that question. When we were in school, the principal had almost made my younger brother go to one. Luckily, they had let it slide and made him do extra work or some kind of community payoff instead. Even now when I got the opportunity, I couldn't help reminding him how he could have blown everything for us back then. How our lives could have changed significantly if something like that had occurred.


	27. Everyday Thing

"This is Hailey," I said automatically into my phone after briefly glancing at the name flashing on my screen. We had talked to my CI and Jay was making plans to talk to his buddy after lunch, but we were just about to head back to the department before he took off again.

"Hi, Hailey. It's Ellen." Eva's school secretary said almost pleasantly, but I almost detected a little bit of guilt for having this be an everyday thing. "The recess monitor brought Eva into the office a few minutes ago. I'm not sure what happened, but she came in pretty upset. You have a minute to talk to her?"

"Yeah."

"Hi," Eva said simply, although I knew it was more than that. I had stayed up late last night googling things like helping a child get adjusted to a new school, helping a child cope with death, and even what could be causing her stomach aches she frequently dealt with on a daily basis. One thing that popped up that didn't occur to me was bullying, which I didn't like at all and hoped would never happen.

"What's going on? Ellen said you were upset while out at recess?" I locked eyes with Jay. I could tell he was listening in and trying to process everything that was happening on my end.

"Yeah. My stomach hurts. I wanted to come in."

"Your stomach hurts and you wanted to come in?" I repeated, trying to understand where she was coming from and what was going through her mind. Still, I couldn't help but feel like her answer was significantly different from the last time she had stated her stomach hurt. It could be the same issue that was plaguing her or something different altogether.

"I don't know. I was walking out to the playground and it just started hurting."

"What did you eat today?" I was marking off a checklist of anything I could think of in order to narrow things down if that was even possible at this time. There were so many reasons it could be that she wasn't feeling great, but it often seemed to be when there was anything "school-related" going on.

"Chicken tortilla, carrots, milk, and jello." She prattled off, her tone raising to one of proudness.

"That all sounds like good food." I looked over at Jay, who was keeping a straight face as we continued to inch closer back to work. I wasn't sure what he was making of this conversation, but if he wanted to say something about it, I knew he would later on in his own way.

"I was really hungry, so I ate it all."

"That's good because you didn't really eat breakfast this morning. Did you eat lunch really fast?"

"Sort of. The kid next to me ate faster because he wanted to go outside with his friend." Pulling the car out to a familiar street, I knew we were only about five minutes from arriving back at work. As much as I wanted to sit here and talk to her, I also needed to get back to work and I wanted to encourage her as much as possible to go back to class, while also trying to make sure nothing more serious was going on.

"I see," I knew she had answered that question directly and I was going to try and ask her more about it later if I still didn't get a direct answer from her. I felt like our conversations were a lot better, face to face. "How is your stomach feeling now?"

"Okay. Still hurts a little."

"Are you going to be okay until I can pick you up tonight?" Jay pulled into the parking lot, right next to the remaining police issued cars.

"Yeah." Again, something about her response made my heart drop. She sounded so defeated and I wanted to take away whatever was bothering her. "The bell just rang."

"I heard that." The faint ringing sound stopped, which brought the familiar drum of a ringing phone at the office. Thank goodness for two lines. We had been surely been tying this one up for the past ten minutes, "Why don't you put Ellen back on the phone for me for a minute."

"K." She told me then passed the phone to Ellen. "Here."

"Hailey."

"Hi, Ellen. I take it you heard most of that?"

"Yeah, I did. Is there anything I can do to help?"

"Honestly, I'm not sure yet." Jay caught my attention to lock up when I got finished with my call. I reached out my arm for him to stay and mouthed I was almost finished as he leaned back in the driver's seat. "I just got custody of Eva earlier this week, so I know she's still adjusting to being with me and to a new school. If you could have her teacher call me when she has a minute, I would appreciate it."

"Sure thing. I will have her call you when she can. In the meantime, I can walk Eva back to her class if she's ready to go." I could see her physically asking Eva if she was ready now that she had talked to me. "She says, yes. That would be fine."

"That would be great, thanks. Thank you for helping her."

"My pleasure. Call if you have any questions?"

"I will. Bye."

"Bye."

"You okay?" Jay checked as I hung up the phone, one hand on the door release as he was about ready to step out onto the asphalt. He refrained from doing so until he made sure we were okay, and I was pretty sure this was the only time we were getting before we had to reconvene with the team.

"I don't know. I kind of felt like it helped that she talked to me."

"But."

"I can still tell there is something bugging her that she wouldn't say over the phone. I mean, she practically burst into tears when dad came up on her spelling list last night. Maybe you're right."

"About what?"

"About her not getting the closure she needs." I turned towards him as the metal of the seatbelt clanked against the side of the car with a deep thud. "I mean, if you think about it, her parents were killed in a car accident, she's met by a social worker that she doesn't know, meets her birth mother for the first time and is thrown into a new school."

"That's a lot to handle at one time. So what are you thinking about doing?"

"I still need to talk to Eliza, Eva's social worker and see what she can tell me. Maybe I'll call her tonight after dinner. I'm hoping that her teacher will call me back later this afternoon when she's finished with school. Between the three of us, I'm hoping we can come up with some solution to help her."


	28. Memories

"Hailey?" Platt waved me over as Jay and I walked past the front desk. She looked like she was on a mission to find out information. I wasn't in the mood if this had something to do with my personal life. As I stopped, Jay brushed past me to buzz himself through the gate. "I know you're busy with this case, but I wanted to take a minute and see how you were holding up."

"I'm good, thanks." Although it had been some time ago, it somehow triggered the time Trudy asked me the same thing as I sat near her desk that day my parent's restaurant had been robbed, except this time it was me who had been clocked in the face a few times. "Still got a few nice bruises that are healing, but I know it could have been a lot worse."

"It could have." Trudy agreed quietly as she shifted her weight from one foot to the other behind the desk. I wondered if she was thinking about the same thing I was. There could be no way she could, right? "From what I've heard, you've been trying to catch him for a long time."

"Since I was in Robbery-Homicide." When Voight had offered me a position in Intelligence that night, I had to admit, it took me a while to decide whether I should take it or not. I could tell their team was tight-knit and dealing with a team member who had just left. I didn't imagine taking this job would lead me back to the person who made me want to become a cop."Thanks for checking up on me."

"Yeah. You know, I think you gave me that same answer that night." She mused thoughtfully looking up to the ceiling and to the right as she recalled the memory. "Back then I wouldn't have thought any less of it, but now I'm calling it something different. I just don't know what it is yet."

"I think I can help with that. Come see me when this case is over." Letting myself walk away, I took out a deep breath as I swung the gate open and disappeared upstairs. I could see the confusion written all over her face, but I thought it would be better to leave it at that and explain it all later when she was with the rest of the team.

"Hey." Jay greeted me after I had found him in the break room. Most of the team was still out, besides Voight, which left us time to talk freely, with the consideration that someone could walk in at any time. "What did Platt want?"

"I think in her own way, she's concerned with how much I keep things inside." He didn't seem very surprised at that fact as I grabbed the container of food I had brought and set it down on the counter.

"Isn't most every cop like that?" Pouring his coffee, he set the cup on the table before making a beeline to the fridge to grab his sandwich.

"Exactly what I was thinking. What time are you meeting with your buddy in Gangs?" I asked over the slight hum of the microwave as I heated up the meat for my taco.

"Around one. He said he might have a couple of files that could point our case in the right direction. So I'll go there and see what I can find out. What?"

"Sorry. I was just thinking about how I was going to tell the team."

"You know you don't have to do that, right? It's not up to anyone else besides Voight to know what's going on."

"I know." I did, but the longer I left this secret going, the more guilt I felt doing it. "I may have invited Platt up here after the case was over. Maybe it won't be today that it's over

"I may have invited Platt up here after this case was over." Reaching my arm out, I caught the door as the countdown hit one on the microwave. "Honestly, I only want to explain this one time."

"No, I get it. You and Platt go way back?"

"Yeah." Grabbing a fork from the drawer, I realized this was a story I hadn't really told him yet, and honestly, I felt slightly nervous telling him anything about my past. Mainly because I saw the protective way he looked at me when I dished out something that happened. "When I was twelve, I was helping to close up my dad's diner. This guy came in holding a gun, demanding everything in the register. He ended up breaking my dad's eye socket and gave him ninety-six stitches."

"Wow."

"My mom went to the hospital with my dad. Two out of three of my brothers were little at the time. They were staying at my grandparent's house when it happened, so they didn't see it."

"What about your older brother?"

"He was at my grandparent's house helping to take care of them. Sometimes my brothers could bounce off the walls, so he convinced my parents to let him go and keep them out of trouble." Of course, my grandparents really didn't care that they were somewhat rowdy, but if my dad found out they had been misbehaving, his temper would fly when we got home.

"And you?"

"I wouldn't leave Platt's desk until the guy was caught. Honestly, she did something for me no one ever did. She made me feel safe. She's the reason I became a cop."

"You tell her that?" Jay looked at me with surprise as he ran his fingers over his mouth.

"The night Voight offered me a spot in Intelligence. It had been a long day after that case. I was going to hop in my car and go back to my place, but when I saw her putting away radio equipment, her name sounded so familiar when we met and I couldn't help asking if she remembered me."

"Let me guess. She gave you some quipped response?"

"Sort of. She told me she couldn't keep track of every police officer she met. I told her I hadn't met her as a police officer but as a little girl." Placing the tortilla on the plate, I finally dumped all the toppings into the middle of it. "She put it together that I was the owner's daughter and it made sense why some random cop was coming to her about a case that happened so long ago."

"It's important that you tell her too." Jay came to the conclusion, fully understanding where I was coming from. I was so glad I had someone to confide in. Maybe he would never know it, but that was also something I had never been able to do growing up was confiding in someone outside of my family.

"Yeah. She means a lot to me, and is just as much part of this team as anyone on it."

"I couldn't agree more."


	29. Don't Move- Part I

"Upton." Kim handed me another file with pictures to add to the current stack of photos and information. In the past half hour, Kim, Antonio and I had come up with two minor leads, but nothing to lead us to a conclusion. So trust me when I say, it was refreshing when Jay walked back in.

"I just talked to my buddy in gangs. The stash house that got robbed belonged to the 16th Street Boys, not the Latin Hoods."

"So much for the inside job theory," I stated, referring to what Al had said about whether it was a cop giving away locations of a stash house. So far we had no evidence that supported that theory, but it was always a possibility in the back of our minds when we came across a case like this.

"Yeah, which puts us back to square one," Jay stated, just before Adam rushed into the office..

"Alright. My CI's got intel on two Hispanic bangers moving products out of a house." Adam gave us just the glimmer of light we had been searching for. "On 47th and Racine. Cobra label."

"Get a warrant," Antonio advised, acting for what Voight would do if he were here. Voight had disappeared after we had left and hadn't returned since then. I honestly didn't like to think about what he was doing. It wasn't any of my business.

"We don't need a warrant. House is vacant."

"Let's hit it." Antonio gave the go-ahead and we all grabbed our coats and moved downstairs. Kevin was at the front desk but ended the conversation as soon as we had hit the third step down. Jay and I hopped in one car, and Adam, Kim, and Antonio in the other. With lights on, we made it to the abandoned house in about twelve minutes. Adam cleared the side of the house, Antonio flanked the door, Kevin stood ready with the battering ram, Kim stood at the forefront waiting for a clear signal from Adam, while Jay and I stayed back ready to head towards the back of the house.

"Go." Kim signaled over to Adam, who did the same for Kevin who was ready to take the door down the second the order was given.

"Chicago PD!" Kevin yelled, the door splintering open the minute that ram hit against it with one swift blow. A Hispanic man, just like Adam's CI had detailed, flew off the chair and ran towards the back of the house.

"Hey! Stop right there. Chicago PD." Kim yelled, her voice traveling as they moved inside the house. Jay and I had just approached the back door just seconds before the door flew open.

"Hey. Hey!"

"Chicago PD!" Jay called out as I grabbed onto the man's hoodie, and threw him up against the wall. "You got this?" He kept his gun pointed at the man, his head cocked towards the open door where the rest of the team may need assistance.

"I got this." Holding onto the suspect, I watched as Jay moved towards the open window. The curtain drew open about thirty seconds later by the second suspect and by the expression on his face, Jay was just telling him to make a move and he would shoot him through the window.

"Come on, let me go! I didn't do anything!"" The guy innocently called out as I held him against the wall. Of course, I didn't let up and only held on tighter. I never grew tired of hearing how many suspects said they were innocent when we could practically nail them for their crimes.

"You stay right there! Don't you move!" Kim's voice carried outside "So, Antonio, you got me?"

"I got you."

"Come on, don't shoot." The other suspect was undoubtedly cornered as we waited until the scene was cleared. As the other suspect was apprehended, Jay lowered his weapon, patting down the suspect to find there was nothing on him.

"Second suspect apprehended." Antonio's voice came through the radio. "Jay, you guys good back there?"

"Yeah, we're good out here,." Jay stated back into the radio, the knife now bagged and secured as I finished handcuffing the suspect and we walked towards the police car.

"Found it underneath the stove." Kevin held up two identical bags to the one we had found at the apartment building.

"Our guy was playing innocent like they had nothing to do with the drugs." Kim had just finished putting the other guy in the car when she walked back towards us.

"They never do." I couldn't help but smile as we watched as the offenders were transported so they could be processed back at the department. "No guns have been found anywhere on the suspects I'll have techs look for any blood and hair and then head back."

"Okay, we'll see you there." Kim disappeared inside the house as we walked further away from the crime scene and climbed back into our car.

"In light of sounding like a broken record, you haven't heard anything from Eva's school?"

"Not since she called the last time. Although, I'm not quite sure that's a good thing."

"How so?"

"I don't know. Call it mother's intuition." I threw out as he turned the key in the ignition. "I know she's trying to be tough by only calling me once a day, but it's also killing me knowing how much she is struggling to be there and not knowing why."

"You can't fight all her battles for her."

"I know." I smiled sadly, turning to look out the window with a worried glance. "But I could stand to be a little tougher with her. Apprehending that suspect made me realize the difference between how I handle them and her. We've been walking around on eggshells around each other since she came to live with me."

"My mom was actually the same way," Jay confessed although I was slightly surprised he was opening up since he hardly ever talked about her. "Whenever my brother and I were struggling, she would sit us down until we told her everything."

"She sounds like she was a good mother."

"She was." His tone reflected almost a kind of longing as he kept his eyes on the road. "What I'm saying is sometimes all a kid needs is to know that they are truly loved. It doesn't solve everything but it does make all the difference."


	30. Don't Move- Part II

"So where are we at?" I heard Antonio's voice just as I stepped out of the breakroom where I was grabbing a small snack while I waited for everyone to return.

"Both dudes are sticking to the script. They got nothing to do with the rips, the murders." Jay told him as all three of them stepped foot back into the office.

"Alibi?" Antonio questioned, following up with what they all knew, that if they had nothing to do with the murders then they would have to be cleared first.

"Drinking beer in the abandoned house," Kim responded with less enthusiasm, sitting back at her desk. Trudy had just barely come up the other way and was standing there expectantly as Antonio made his way over to her.

"Hey. I just talked with Sarah Montero, Felix's mom." Trudy faced him while extending the information to the rest of us.

"Get a positive ID?" Antonio asked hopefully. but by the look on her face, we all knew it wasn't good news at all that she was bringing us.

"No. Nobody familiar. So either she didn't get a good look, or these aren't our guys." Platt offered what Jay had just said about our suspects, Miguel Soto and Juan Fernadez.

"My money's on choice B," I spoke up, standing just a few feet away from Jay. I wanted him to know I had back what he had said earlier.

"Choice B? Why?" Adam inquired with some confusion as he looked up from the desk he was sitting at.

"So I just checked out the store the guys said they got the beer from. Timestamped 9:33 AM." I turned the surveillance picture so everyone could see it. Adam ended up taking the picture to look at as I finished up. "Stash house was hit at 9:36 AM. So, it's a twenty minute drive if they hit every green light and no traffic. We got the wrong guys."

"Who the hell gave you the intel?" Antonio questioned Adam, his tone hardened as he expected answers. Adam looked up from the photos, then back down as we all expected a response that wasn't coming. Instead, he backed the chair up, grabbed his jacket and left the room.

"I guess that answers that question," Kevin said quietly as we all tried to make some sense of what had just happened.

"I'll be back." Trudy subtly gestured to me before leaving, which meant she was keeping my word on what I had told her earlier. Good. I was already guessing which of my teammates' reactions would be better on this one.

"Okay." Antonio recovered, stepping back to survey what needed to be done next. "Let's comb over the remaining leads and see what we can find."

"I'll see if the crime lab has something to offer." Jay pulled up a chair to his desk and dialed while Kim and Kevin talked about going through some of the files relevant to where we were now in the case.

"I'll call Fed. Maybe they have some information we could use." Sitting down on the edge of my desk, I turned away from Jay who was already on with the crime lab and Kevin and Kim had settled at the edge of his desk where they bounced ideas off one another.

"Good. I'll talk to gangs and see if there's anything we missed the first time around." Antonio called over his shoulder and took off back down the hall. Just as I had begun my conversation, I felt my phone buzz but ignored it since I was in the middle of a call and in the midst of my co-workers.

"Just talked to the gang unit." Antonio came back in about ten minutes later. "No chatter, no leads."

"Nothing from the crime lab either," Jay said, hanging up the phone a few seconds after he had arrived back.

"There's gotta be some link." Kim was leaning over a bunch of crime scene photos that were now sprawled over half of Jay's desk. "Something that connects these three rips together." She looked frustrated, all within reason since we all seemed to be striking out in every area. Luckily, I could have something but I had to get off the phone first before I could fill them in.

"I just talked to a fed at HIDTA. Think I have a connection" I announced a few minutes later with slightly renewed energy as I rounded the desk. "Turns out Mariano's narcotics squad had sealed search warrants for each of the three stash houses." I pointed, drawing my finger over the three areas circled on the map. "But somehow, the rip crew was able to hit the stash houses before the search warrants were executed."

"You're saying someone tipped the rip crews off?" Kim stated, putting all the facts together. Oh, it was starting to make sense why we had such a hard time figuring out just who was responsible.

"I'm saying the rip crews knew exactly where the stash houses were and that they were loaded with product."

"Because of the search warrants," Antonio added, the frustration melting away as things began to get clearer. We were finally heading in the right direction, and that was a good thing because that meant we would be able to pack up soon. Honestly, I didn't realize how much I was looking forward to spending the weekend with Eva.

"We got a dirty cop in narcotics." Jay looked slightly disappointed knowing it always hit us in different ways when we were faced with taking down one of our own.

"Yeah." I reiterated quietly, noting the time on my computer trying to remember if I had told Eva what time I was coming. I realized that I hadn't but I was still going to try and pick her up at a decent time.

"I'll call Voight." Antonio sighed, pulling his phone from his pocket. "Hey, we got a lead on the case and I think you're going to want to hear about this one. We have solid evidence that narcotics hit the stash houses before the search warrants were executed on the stash houses."


	31. Four O'Clock

It was nearing four o'clock when we were finally given the go-ahead to set up the fake stash house. Jay posed as a homeless guy, ultimately looking out for the suspects to arrive, while Kevin and Adam took their place in the room being set up with the drugs. I took the room just down the hall and a few minutes later, we got the notification from Jay that they had arrived.

"We wait for them to hit that door." Voight's voice came over the radio as I peered out the door and stayed out of sight. "Hailey, you say when."

"Not yet. "Hang tough." I pulled back as I watched the two men pause in front of the door next to the stash house and finally pulled on their masks."Get ready, they're coming in."

"Police! Drop your weapons." Ruzek shouted before a blaze of gunfire sounded on both ends, piercing the abandoned apartment building.

"Hailey. Hold your position." Voight commanded from the van. "Only approach when the suspect flees."

"Copy." Watching closely, about thirty seconds later, a flash of black appeared as the second suspect fled, and I fired off a shot as he fired off several. Bullets flew by me, some ricocheting off a rusty grill as I ducked for cover. Glass shattered around the suspect and Jay appeared through the door, leading up from the stairs.

"You good?"

"Good," I confirmed, kicking the gun away from the suspect so it wasn't within his reach. Jay had shot in an area of his shoulder, which incapacitated our suspect.

"Hey, everybody okay?" Hank asked from the parking lot as Al stood beside him, guns pressed to their sides in case they needed to help.

"All good." Kevin responded over the railing as we all took in a deep breath. We had nailed the people responsible for the drug raids and got justice for those who had died along the way.

"Guy inside is down. He's not getting back up." Adam reported, stepping out of the room as he put the safety back on his gun. "Not ever."

"This one is still alive." Careful to sweep the glass with my foot so I could have a clear area to work, I pressed two fingers to the guy's neck.

"5021 George. Shots fired by police. Roll an ambo to 3027 West 47th Street. We got multiple offenders down. One DOA." Jay said into his radio as soon as I had announced that the guy was still alive.

"Copy that, 5021 George. Ambulance en route to your location. ETA five minutes." A female dispatcher relayed back to him. Jay turned down his radio slightly as he caught his breath. It was always a rush when we were in pursuit of a suspect, but this time it felt different because I had someone else to live for.

"Kevin and Adam, I want you to take point on everything that went down when forensics comes on to the scene and then head back. We need to figure out exactly who these two were working with." Voight issued as he walked across the way to survey the scene as I did my best to hold down the wound.

"Copy," Kevin said first as they headed back to the room where they had taken down the first suspect.

"Hailey and Jay, I want you to head to the hospital with our suspect. Make sure to read him his rights when he comes to." Hank called over his shoulder as he and Al walked towards the direction of the room. "We need to know who these guys were working with and why."

"Copy that," Jay told him, waiting until he everyone was far away before broaching the subject with me, of which I could tell what he was going to say. "You know you could have told him you had to leave."

"Not until this case is wrapped up. I want to be able to look at Felix's mom and tell her we found the people who were responsible for killing her son."

"How is she holding up?"

"Something tells me she isn't. Before we took her to the hotel, she looked so drained and about ready to collapse. We made sure she had a police officer watching the room for a little while in case anything happened."

"Good. Hopefully, she will get the help she needs." He said over the growing sirens approaching the scene. As he said that, flashing lights buzzed by down the road, an ambulance pulling into the parking lot a few minutes later.

"Hey, Halstead." A paramedic with a stocky build and cleanly trimmed mustache greeted him. "Dispatch said you had a suspect with a gunshot wound. This the guy?"

"Hal." Yeah. Direct hit to the shoulder." Jay signaled with his hand from the broken window to where the guy had gone down. No doubt he was thinking of his ranger days as he prattled that one off.

Hal nodded as his partner cut open the shirt then stepped back so he could press the stethoscope to the guy's chest. "Breath sounds are slightly diminished on the left side. Possible tension pneumothorax. Adjust his head up a little." He told his partner, a guy in his thirties who was hooking him up to a pulse oximeter. "Better. Let's go ahead and get a pressure dressing on this and we'll get him to med."

"We'll follow you there," Jay told him as I took off my gloves and bagged them to clean later. "Ready?"

"Yeah." Grabbing my phone, I finally listened to my message from Eva's teacher as we walked back down the car, "Hi, Hailey. It's . Ellen from the front office passed on your message. I just wanted to touch base with you on a few things. Since it is the weekend, I will be staying at the school until about five-thirty to finish up some grading. So, if you happen to pick up Eva around that time, just come down to my classroom and we can discuss any concerns or I would be glad to answer any questions you have. If you can't make it, feel free to call me on this number, or we can talk on Monday if you have a few minutes after you drop off Eva. I look forward to hearing from you. Thanks, Hailey."


	32. Back Home

"Hailey." Jay gestured over to Dr. Rhodes who had just walked into the waiting room. We had been sitting there for the past forty-five minutes for an answer, mostly in silence before he had walked in. I thought about texting Eliza or calling Eva's teacher while I had the time, but honestly, for the time being, I wanted to think of something else.

"Hey," Dr. Rhodes greeted us, pulling his surgical cap into his hands. We had met a handful of times since I had started working in Intelligence and saw him as a well-respected surgeon. "You two brought in Mr. Maldanado?"

"We did," Jay answered as we both stood from our seats when he approached us with a tired, yet professional manner. "How is he?

"After initial scans, we found surgery was his only real chance at making it. However, when we got in there, we found extensive damage and the bullet created what we like to call a pulmonary embolism which caused a blood clot to form in his lungs. Despite our best efforts, he flatlined on the table halfway through surgery and we were unable to bring him back."

"Thanks," Jay said with much appreciation, even though inside we both conveyed to the other that we might be back to square one if we didn't find another lead soon.

"I'm just sorry we couldn't do more. Knowing that he was responsible for killing a child is not something to take lightly." Dr. Rhodes nodded before walking back through the hall. He was gone by the time we had grabbed our jackets and walked back downstairs through the emergency department.

As we were walking down the narrow walkway, Will stepped out of a patient's room, fingers pressed against the tablet in his hands. He finally looked up as we passed by and he placed the device underneath his arm. "Hey, I heard you two were here." He was a lot like Jay, minus the red hair. Despite it, the stubborn but caring Halstead nature was still there in its own way.

"We were following up on a suspect related shooting," Jay told him as we approached the side of the main desk.

"I heard about that. I'm guessing you're the one who took the shot?" Will questioned Jay as he handed back the tablet to the nurse behind the counter with instructions.

"Died on the table."

"I'm sorry, that's rough." Will's expression changed to amusement as he observed the side of my forehead. "How's your head?"

"Still bruised, but harder than ever," I told him jokingly, although I was about ready to get out of here. I hoped I wasn't being too eager but I wanted nothing more to finish up this case and figure things out at home so I could focus again. "We should get back."

"Okay. Give me a minute."

"Hey, Natalie."

"Hailey." Natalie sat down at the computer on the other side of the desk, most likely to put in some information about a patient. "You look a lot better than the last time I saw you. How are you doing?"

"Good," I told her as truthfully as I could for the time being. "No more headaches. Not that I was having many, but the initial pain of being knocked around got to me for the first day or two."

"I'm glad to hear it. How about physically?"

"Getting back to work has helped. Still working on a few things."

"I know you have a good partner, but let me know if there's anything I can do on my end. Even if it's just to talk."

"Thanks. I will."

"Everything good?" Jay asked, meeting up with me as we walked outside the emergency room doors. As many times as we had been outside today, for some reason this time it felt really good to feel the sun on my face. Maybe it had something to do with the last time I was here, it had been dark and lonely.

"Fine. You?"

"Good." He pulled the keys from his pocket as we walked a few feet to the car. We had managed to get a parking spot closer to the hospital this time, which almost never happened when we came. "He wants to get together and watch the football game this weekend. A little brother bonding."

"Sounds nice to me. My brothers and I do the same thing when we're together."

"Yeah?"

"Seems like we've gotten into it more now that the years have passed by. Besides the food we all consume, It's all something we enjoy doing as we're yelling at the tv. My brothers do it more than I do because I'm often playing with my nieces or nephews while we're watching."

"Of course, they love their aunt Hailey." Jay beamed, turning the key in the ignition as he looked back to make sure no other cars were pulling out of the parking lot at the same time as us. "How old is your oldest one now?"

"Annie just turned six."

"And she belongs to your oldest brother? What's his name again?"

"Blake."

"Blake." He repeated, turning the steering wheel so we veered smoothly around the corner. "If she's six, I take it his wife didn't give birth long after you gave birth to Eva."

"Annie was born in June. Eva in October. I ended up meeting her for the first time on Thanksgiving that year" I nodded, looking out at passing scenery as I thought back to when I held Annie for the first time. My brothers had mistaken my tears for the love of my first niece and not because I was hormonal. When I had gone down to Virginia Blake had insisted I stay with him, so I had nowhere to go but my room to clean up and pull myself together.

"That couldn't have been easy." Jay frowned, casting glances my way as my words sunk in. "How long did you end up staying on Thanksgiving?"

"I think I left a couple of days later. I'm pretty sure I made some lame excuse how I had to get back to work, even though I spent the remaining night in a hotel before catching my flight back home."


	33. Foolish Game

"Forget about getting anything out of Maldanado." Jay switched back to the case as soon as we had walked back into the office. "ME's got a toe tag with his name on it."

"Hold on." Antonio stood up from his desk before pinning the picture at the top of the board. "I might have something. A frequent call made from the landline at Maldanado's apartment comes back to his cousin, "Big" Frank Bennett." He tapped on the photo with his index finger, a clean-shaven man with an attitude "He's out on bail, awaiting trial on a distribution trial. Might be a long shot, but maybe he was unloading product for his cousin."

"Means he could've met Rojas along the way." Jay jumped in to support his theory as we settled back against the desk. There was no need to sit if we were still chasing an active lead. Although I wished it would end soon. Between work and Eva, I needed a glass of wine which I had mostly been abstaining from since Eva had arrived.

"Let's chase it." Voight gave the go-ahead as we grabbed our things once again and headed out. I debated calling the team to wait a minute before we took off. Then again, I didn't want to be the reason the team was distracted and so I did the only thing I could and grabbed my jacket.

When we arrived at the house, I cleared my mind as best as possible and focused on our goal of catching Frank. Jay had the battering ram this time as we approached the door, flanked by Kim and Antonio. I stood at the end of the stairs, guns raised and ready to shoot if necessary.

A few seconds ticked by, Jay hit the door and we filed in. A smoking cigarette on the glass table was a dead giveaway the guy was in the house somewhere. We all spread out, cautiously approaching the house from all angles of the main level. The toilet flushed upstairs and I touched Antonio's shoulder lightly to grab his attention while pointing towards the ceiling. We split up, Kim and Jay pressed quietly up the stairs. Antonio and I finished clearing the main level, which was basically a kitchen and bathroom. He disappeared upstairs while I stayed down on the main level.

I was actually okay with it. I knew in some way I was taking the silence where I could get it right now. Not that Eva was particularly noisy in any way. She was actually the exact opposite where I actually had to go check up on her and make sure she was doing alright.

Walking back into the living room, I noticed a poker game playing on the tv screen. I trailed along the back wall, focusing on the most obvious places for hiding places, but came up empty. The crunch of the bathroom door echoed from upstairs, followed by Jay shouting at the guy.

"Chicago PD! Show your hands! Let me see your hands!"

"Don't shoot, don't shoot!" Frank shouted back as I took a few steps towards the couch and kneeled down to find a black duffel bag shoved near the back of the couch. "Don't shoot me!"

"Put your hands on your head." Jay instructed as I cast my eyes towards the stairs, then focused on the bag as I took a steady breath at the amount of money hidden in it. I estimated at least forty-thousand dollars worth of cash, which was a lot for anyone to be hiding in their house if they weren't dealing some kind of drugs.

"I didn't do nothing, man."

They exchanged a few more words that I couldn't quite pick up before they came downstairs. Antonio was careful to keep the guy secured, all while not touching the white substance on his hands.

"Hey, I have something you're going to want to see."

"We caught this guy flushing cocaine down the toilet." Kim pointed to Frank, her tone thick with sarcasm as she crossed back into the living room. "Wasn't his, but he was still flushing it. Forensics is going to have one heck of a good time gathering that one up. What did you find?"

"Found a bag of money stashed underneath the couch." Crouching down, I carefully lifted both sides of the bag so she could peer in a little better. "If I had to guess, there's probably at least close to forty-thousand dollars in there."

"That's a lot of money to have stashed in a house." Kim whistled, looking directly at Frank who was being instructed to get on his knees by Antonio. "Maybe we could use it to jog his memory a little."

"It's worth a try." I played along, then stood up. "While you're doing that, I'm going to keep looking around. See if there's anything else this guy is hiding."

"And they said crime doesn't pay." Kim dropped the bag at Frank's feet, a few bills spilling on the ground beside it.

"Just take it." The man begged, his hands still locked tightly together as Kim and Antonio circled him, kind of like where vultures circle their prey. I went on searching through the drawers, finding various objects like remotes, batteries but nothing concrete we could use. Mostly I was finding amusement in how this conversation was going. It was kind of like watching an animal digging a hole to escape his predators.

"What?" Antonio questioned, his tone asking if he had heard him right. Although I was getting the feeling Frank wasn't directly involved with the stash houses, there was more he knew that he was letting on.

"I'll make believe you guys weren't here," Frank suggested foolishly and I watched as both Kim and Antonio's gaze narrowed on him.

"I'm going to make believe you didn't say that." Antonio corrected him with the man's own words as he leaned forward so they were nearly eye to eye. "I got one question. Don't get it wrong. Who was feeding your cousin the stash houses?"

"I don't know."

"You listen to me." Kim started in on him when Antonio couldn't get through to him. "A ten-year-old boy caught a bullet to the head because of that crap you were flushing. So you, my friend are looking at a felony murder charge."

"Come on."

"Last chance to help yourself." Antonio pressed into him, almost losing his patience that we weren't getting anywhere with this guy. "I'm not going to ask again."

"Look, all I know is that it's a dirty cop. They would meet at some bar named Nemo's."


	34. Listen

The rest of the team arrived at the tail-end of catching Ray Denza. As hard as it was knowing we had a dirty cop in our midst, it was better knowing we could put a name to a face; the mastermind behind all the stolen drugs, the secrecy, and death piling up all around him.

Jay dropped me off back at the office just a little after six-thirty so I could go pick up Eva, while he and Kim delivered the news to the little boy's mother. I arrived at the school about fifteen minutes later, showing my ID to the security guard who allowed me entry into the school. Honestly, I didn't know what to expect when I got there. My mind was trying to put all the pieces together with everything that happened today.

"Hailey, right?" The security guard opened the door for me, which caused me to snap out of my thoughts. He looked down at his clipboard then back up at me. "Your little girl is Eva?"

"Right," I told him, before handing me back my ID. "Thank you."

"No, thank you. You have a good night."

"You too." Pulling the door open, the muted chatter of children became louder as I made my way across the hall towards the gym. As I walked into the gym, I was relieved to see there were still a handful of kids waiting to be picked up. It made me not feel so bad I was picking her up later than usual.

"Eva," I called out after scanning the room and finding her sitting in the same place I had found her yesterday. While the other kids were running around burning all their energy, she sat against the wall with her knees tucked up against her chest. It took her a few seconds to register my voice as she finally stood up, dragging her backpack across the floor. "Hey, you. Ready to go home?"

"Mhm." Was all she offered as she rubbed her eyes with the back of her hand, her eyes heavy from all the time she had at school. "What took you so long?"

"I was working on a difficult case." I continued, trying to ignore the fact she was still dragging her backpack on the floor. Instead, I focused on the fact that she looked like she was going to fall asleep while walking. Now might not be the time to have this conversation with her, but I was willing to try and I made a split decision to lead her towards the bench where I had calmed her down earlier in the week. "Come here for a minute. I want to know how the rest of your day went."

"Fine, I guess." Shrugging her shoulders up and down a few times, she rubbed at her eyes again. "It was a long day. Hailey, can we do something fun tonight, just you and me?"

"We can. First I wanted to talk to you about something before we go home." Patting the seat next to me, she instead surprised me and climbed into my lap, resting her cheek against my shoulder. "I want to know how you're feeling about coming to live with me."

"I like it." Her head raised before she picked at the sleeve of my jacket, pulling the leather up and down. "It's different than my home in Michigan."

"Different how?"

"I don't know." This time she shrugged with one shoulder as she continued the motion of pulling on my sleeve again before letting her arms resting heavily against her body. "I think my room is a little smaller than my old one, and you do things different than my mom and dad did. That's all I can think of."

"What about here at this school? Do you have anybody who you sit with when you eat lunch?"

"Well, I don't have any friends yet. I had friends at my old one." The tone of her voice grew sadder, almost a longing as she placed her hands in her lap. "I kind of wish Paige was here."

"Paige? Is she one of your friends from your old school?"

"No. I met her on the playground when I met you." My stomach dropped, hearing her voice rise and fall. It held such excitement but yet such sadness that I wished I could take it all away. Jay was right though, I couldn't do that. What I could do was focus on fitting in more. "We played make-believe and it was so much fun."

"I bet it was," I reassured her, feeling her snuggle into my shoulder more. "From what I remember, you two looked like you were having a lot of fun."

"We were. Hailey?"

"Hmm."

"Do you think we could maybe go back to the park sometime?" Giving a yawn at the end of sometime, I could already tell it was going to be an early night for both of us. "Paige said she plays there a lot and I would really like to see her again."

"I think we can arrange something. Is that why one reason you've been down lately because you miss her?"

"Kind of. I just wish she went to my school so I had a friend to play with. I really liked playing with her."

"I know you did. I know you really want to see her again, and you might, but you have to realize that sometimes we don't always see the people again that we want to see." I didn't say that to bring her spirit down, but as her mother, I wanted her to know that things don't always go as we planned it, even when we were really hoping our dreams would come true.

"I know. I just wish she was going to the same school as me."

"When you were talking to her, did Paige say where she lived?" I asked, secretly hoping the little girl had said something about where she lived. If the two of them had hit it off as well as she said they had, it would be nice if Eva could make a friend. Even if they didn't end up going to the same school, at least they could still hang out.

"She said they always walk there when they want to play. They have to go with her mommy or daddy though because Paige and her brother aren't old enough to walk there."

"They probably live nearby if they can walk."

"Does that mean she might go to this school after all?"

"I don't know for sure. Until we can find out, is there anybody else you could sit with at lunch?"

"Not really. We have to sit in order by our last names when we're eating at the lunch table." She sounded less than thrilled at that rule. "I think that's why the kid next to me eats so fast."

"This the same kid you were telling me about earlier on the phone?"

"Yeah. His friend sits at the end of the table and hardly eats anything. He runs away from the table before the cafeteria lady can check his tray." I thought I heard a little giggle in there as I imagined a boy her age running away from the table.

"What do you do when you're outside?"

"I play in the grass."

"By yourself or with someone else?"

"By myself. I build houses with sticks and grass." Sitting up, she wriggled a little away from grasp before placing her feet down on the carpet. "Can we go home now? I'm tired. And hungry. What are we having tonight?"

"I was thinking we could have some stir-fry." Standing up, she walked beside me as we said goodnight to the security guard and walked down the sidewalk towards the parking lot.

"What's stir-fry?"

"Basically chicken with vegetables."

"Oh. What kind of vegetables?"

"Green and red peppers, broccoli. Maybe some mushrooms and carrots."

"Yum! I love broccoli!"


	35. At the End of the Night

"Hey, you." I greeted her from the couch, watching her cross into the living room dressed in a pink nightgown with small hearts patterned around it. We had just finished dinner about ten minutes earlier. She had helped me put the milk back in the fridge before disappearing to her room to change.

"Yep! Got my pajamas on." Pinching her fingers in the middle of the gown, she gave a little twirl before climbing onto the couch beside me.

"I see that. What about your teeth? They brushed just in case you fall asleep during the movie?"

"Mhm." Scooting closer, she laid her head on my lap while staring at the screen in anticipation. I had just barely pulled up the movie and was reading over the summary on my phone when she walked into the living room.

"Monsters Inc. Is that what you still want to watch?" I double-checked before clicking play on the movie. Seeing the tired but excited expression on her face, I knew already I would be carrying her to bed. "We can always wait until tomorrow if you're tired."

"I'm sure." She said confidently, rubbing at her eyes a couple of times. "But don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"I won't be working weekends until I can find someone to watch you."

"Someone is going to be watching me on weekends too?" Eva panicked, now sitting against the couch with a frown.

"Maybe not every weekend, but there's going to be a lot of days where I'm going to have to work," I told her as she flopped back down in my lap with a sigh. "When I'm not working, we can plan things we want to do together, like going to the park."

"I like the park." Her tone brightened a little, a small smile emerging as I ran my fingers through her blonde locks. "Do you think we'll really find Paige?"

"If she goes there enough, we might be able to find her," I told her hopefully, not wanting to dash her excitement about how often we would be able to make it back to the park. Hopefully whoever watched over her would be able to take her back often. If she didn't find Paige during that time, I hoped Eva would find closer and make friends elsewhere.

"That would be nice," Eva said through a yawn as she rubbed at her eyes. "I still wish you could pick me up every day."

"I do too." Raking my fingers through her blonde locks in long strides, the silence of the house reminded me of what things were like before Eva had come along. Empty. Lonely. Too big for one person. I had no idea what I had been thinking when I bought it. Now I understood why. It had been waiting for someone else to fill those walls too. "Tell you what, why don't you think of some other things we can do together and we'll figure out what works for the both of us."

"Okay." She stated as I clicked play and the upbeat intro to the movie began. Shapes formed a blue door, each rhythmically danced to the beat of the music. Various doors flashed onto the screen, a monster peeked its eyes out of one of them, another grabbed at the letters. Eva let out a little giggle as a green snake-like creature fought with the letter M before slithering out of sight.

By the time Mike and Sully were trying to reach the door after being banished to the Himalayas, Eva had stilled, her chest rising and falling. I leaned over to confirm my suspicions about her being asleep, before pausing the movie and shifting to the edge of the couch. One hand cradled her neck, the other supported her legs as I stood up with her in my arms. She stirred slightly at the movement but her eyes remained closed as I walked with her down the hall.

My right hand flicked on the hall light as I ducked into her room and carefully placed her in bed, loosely tucking the covers around her body. "Goodnight, Eva." I said quietly, retreating out of the room and closing the door slightly before flicking the hall light off. When I returned to the living room, I sat back down on the couch with one leg tucked underneath me. My hand absently grabbed my phone to check the time when I also noticed a text from Jay.

_How's it going with Eva? The text had been sent almost fifteen minutes ago, around eight-forty five. After our many conversations, I wondered just how much he really wanted to talk about this, other than finding out how I was handling everything._

_Better than I thought it would. I found out Eva has a friend she met on the playground when I first told her about me. She really wants to find her. A part of me hopes she will, but I'm also hoping she'll be able to make a friend at school._

It sounds like they really hit it off. Did she get a name?"

Paige. Not a lot to go off, really. She did mention she has a brother and they have to go to the park with their parents because they weren't old enough to go to the park by themselves.

_That's a good start. You planning on going back?_

_I told her we could go back sometime. I think it would be good if she could find her again, but I also told her there was a chance we might not be able to. I guess time will only tell._

_She's been with you since Tuesday. She's a good kid. She'll find her way, whether she finds the little girl on the playground or not. Did her social worker ever call you back?_

_No. I'm hoping she's just busy with other cases and will call me back tomorrow. That way I have something to tell Eva's teacher when I talk to her on Monday._

_Hopefully. Let me know what happens. Goodnight, Hailey._

_Goodnight._


	36. Hello

"Hello?" I picked up my phone from its place on the nightstand and sat down on the edge of the bed. Up until this point I had gotten up around eight-thirty and decided to clean up a few things around the bedroom since I was always working and never had a lot of time at home. Although, the perks of not being here meant things didn't get too messy anyway.

"Hailey." A familiar voice chimed on the other end of the phone before they announced who was calling. "It's Eliza. How are you?"

"Hi, Eliza. I'm hanging in there. How are you?" Peering through my open door, I closed it slightly so my voice didn't carry down the hall towards Eva. I honestly didn't have anything planned today, so I figured I would let her sleep in as long as she needed to.

"Good. I didn't wake you, did I?"

"No, I've been awake for a little while. I think Eva is still sleeping though. It's been kind of a long week for her." I explained, digging through the top drawer of my nightstand before finding a pen near the front. It took a little more digging before I found a notepad, just in case I needed to write some information down.

"That's what I gathered from the message you left. By the way, I'm sorry I didn't call you back after you called." She apologized, the keyboard keys clicking underneath her fingers, then quieted as she went on. "My phone decided to stop working after I left Chicago. I was able to finally get a new one and listen to your message. "What's going on?"

"That's okay. I get it." I told her, feeling no irritation towards the social worker at all. Technology was a beast sometimes and chose to work at the most inconvenient times when we needed them most. "Eva does pretty well when she's at home. There's been a few down moments but not like it is when she's at school. I think she's called me every day, almost or in tears. By the time I'm able to pick her up after work, she looks miserable. So I guess I'm trying to figure out if she needs more time to adjust or there's something more I should be concerned about."

"It sounds to me like you're doing everything you can for her, and it's understandable that you're worried. I find that every child is different and takes a different amount of time to adjust to their surroundings. You have to remember that everything is unknown to Eva. She's already made a connection to you, even if it doesn't feel like it. Now she's trying to do that same thing with new teachers, school staff and classmates. She's trying to find her place."

"What about her adoptive parents?" I changed the subject slightly as I quickly scribbled down my thoughts about what she told me on the first sheet of paper. "Has she talked to anyone about what happened?"

"I was able to attend the funeral with Eva and as far as I know, she didn't want to talk about what happened with anyone. Instead, she seemed content with playing in the backyard with the kids who came to the wake." My stomach sunk hearing that revelation, although it was good to hear she wasn't alone. "Like her trying to connect to people, it's going to take her a while before she'll want to talk about it."

"I'm glad to hear she was at least willing to go play with the other kids. We've talked a little about missing friends and her adoptive parents several times, but she hasn't expressed a lot of emotion about how she's feeling about everything."

"Listen to your gut. If you feel like in time Eva needs more help, most schools have a counselor or therapist assigned that can help her with any thoughts or feelings she may be experiencing. I can also send you a list of resources that also may be helpful. If you haven't already, you may also want to talk to her teacher. They may have some good insights or resources that could be helpful as well."

"That would be great, thank you. I did touch base with her teacher. I haven't been able to talk to her yet, so I'm glad I have talked to you so I can fill her in on what I know when I drop Eva off on Monday. I'll continue to try and talk to her about things when things come up."

"I wasn't ever worried you wouldn't see things through. I want you to know what resources you can turn to should you want to use them."

"I appreciate that," I told her gently, hearing Eva padding down the hall towards the bathroom before closing the door behind her. I now had limited time before she came looking for me. "Thank you for taking the time to call me back."

"That's why I'm here. If there's anything else I can help you with, please let me know. I will try to get back to you a little quicker next time now that my phone is working a little better, and I look forward to visiting you both again soon."

"Actually, there might be one thing you can help me with," I stated after a moment of thinking about it before placing the notepad back on the top of my drawer. "I was wondering if there was any possible way I could get me the number of a few friends Eva was friends with back in Michigan?"

"I got the number of one of the ladies there that was at the wake. She wanted to make sure Eva got to you okay, so I can definitely ask around. See if she knows them. What are their names?"

"I only know their first names. Ellie and Hannah. I thought if I could get their numbers, maybe she could talk to them through Skype or some kind of video call. At least until she's able to make friends here in Chicago."

"That sounds like a wonderful idea. I will see what I can do and let you know."

"Perfect. Thank you."


	37. I Don't Know

Rounding the side of the couch, I noticed Eva sprawled out on the couch. Trying my best not to disturb her, I was about to grab the blanket from the back of the couch when Eva raised her head up from where she had been laying. "Morning. Did I wake you?"

"Kind of." She pushed her arms against the couch in a stretching motion before laying back down. "I was half awake. How long have I been asleep?"

"The last time I checked, you were asleep in your bed. So, I'm guessing about twelve hours. Did you sleep okay?"

"Yeah. I think I came out here when you were on the phone." Eva croaked, her voice still thick with sleep as she continued to lay there with one side of her face squished against the cushion. "Who were you talking to?"

"Eliza. Are you sure you don't want to go lay back in bed for a while?"

"No." Eva let out a big yawn before closing her eyes again, almost as a reprieve from the growing heaviness. Still, she was trying to fight to stay awake but I could tell she was quickly losing the battle.'"What are we going to do today?"

"I really don't have anything planned other than staying home," I told her, now grabbing the red tight knitted blanket and draping it over her. "We can relax a little more today,"

"Okay." Her words came out softly as her body finally stilled. I decided that while she was still trying to wake up, I would pay a few bills while I was thinking about it. I was just about finished when Eva quickly sat up and dashed down the hall towards the bathroom. I didn't think much of it but as I heard a gagging sound, I thought maybe there was something more going on than I had originally thought.

"Eva? You alright?" When I heard no response back, I started making my way down there so I could gauge the situation of what could be happening and how I could help if need be.

"Hailey, I need you," Eva called out in a panicked, almost scared tone as I stepped just beyond her bedroom. When I peered into the bathroom a few seconds later, I found her sitting on the edge of the bathtub.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"I keep feeling like I'm going to throw up." She said weakly, trying hard to hold back the tears as she clutched her arm against her stomach. Letting out a sigh, I sat down next to her and she clambered into my lap. "Is it just your stomach that's hurting?"

"Just my stomach." Laying at an angle to release some of the pressure, she let her head rest against my shoulder. "It's hurting a lot now."

"All over, or in one spot?"

"All over."

"When you say all over, does it feel like there are butterflies in your stomach? Or does it feel sharp like someone is poking you?"

"It kind of feels like butterflies when I'm at school, but I don't know what it feels like now. It just hurts."

"Okay. Why don't we lay down for a little while and see if that helps your stomach feel better? Have you eaten anything today?" I told her, running through what I knew so far which wasn't much. Before now, I had considered her stomachache to be solely because of anxiety or grief. I had never considered there could be another reason for it. For a moment I thought about calling Natalie after her words floated back to me about letting her know what she could do on her end, although I highly doubted this is what she had in mind when she said it.

"I'm not really hungry." She shook her head back and forth against my shoulder, not answering my suggestion about laying down. I figured I would give her a few minutes but we would have to get up soon because this wasn't the most comfortable spot to sit in.

"How are you feeling?" I checked again after silence fell between us and I felt a wave of relief when she relaxed into me a little.

"Okay. My stomach doesn't hurt as much as it did a few minutes ago."

"What about when you're laying down?" I could feel her muscles tense at the mention of laying down. "Do you feel like you're going to throw up more or less?"

"Less." She stated, thinking about her response for a moment. "Will you lay down with me?"

"I can." She held on as I shifted towards the edge. I tried my best to stretch out my legs without tipping Eva off my lap. The last thing I wanted to do was make jarring movements that could further her nausea. "You still feel like you're going to throw up?"

"A little."

"Tell you what. If you're ready to lay down, I will grab you something if you do feel like throwing up, and then I can come lay down by you. Deal?"

"Mhm." Slipping off my lap, she walked slowly over to the sink and quickly washed her hands with soap and dried then on the dark blue hand towel. While I was waiting for her to finish, I stood up and felt some of the circulation return to my legs. A few minutes later I was tucking her in and she curled up on her side under the covers.

"I'll be right back." Running my hand over her forehead, I made sure she didn't have a fever before making my way out of the room. When I was far enough away from her hearing me, I scooped my phone up from my nightstand and walked into the garage to look for a bucket. Against my better judgment, I realized I had no idea what I was doing and automatically dialed Natalie's number. After a few rings, it was obvious she wasn't going to answer and my call went into voicemail.

"Hey, Natalie, it's Hailey. Will you give me a call when you have a minute?" Moving things around on the shelf, I suddenly realized how that sounded and backtracked a little. "Nothing serious. I have a couple of questions that maybe you can help me answer. Thanks, Natalie." Just as I finished the call, I found a small white bucket near the back of the shelf and made my way back into the house.


	38. Eva

"Eva," I whispered, placing my hand on her arm. She only stirred a little bit and stayed in the same position. "I put a bucket by your bed, okay?" She let out a whimper as she nodded and snuggled back against her pillow. As I got up, I was about to leave when I saw the picture of her parents sitting on the dresser. Making sure her eyes were still closed, I grabbed the picture and closed the door slightly before getting into the hall closet to check if I had a frame that would fit it. After combing through a bunch of them, I finally found one in the back of the closet. Placing the back on, I took a good look at the people in the picture for the first time.

Her birth had been a whirlwind of emotions. One minute I was pregnant with her, the next I was handing her to people I hardly knew. Fast forward to the time this picture was taken. Eva was sitting on the concrete of a raised flower bed in between her adoptive parents. One hand was wrapped around each of theirs. They looked so happy and it made me wonder about the things I had missed in her life by giving her up for adoption.

Getting off the floor, I placed the picture quietly back on her nightstand. I hoped despite the memories it would probably bring back that it would also make her smile. As I walked out of the room, I left her door cracked open just in case she needed something and walked back into the living room. At this point, I had no idea what to do next. Should I call Natalie again even though Eva seemed to be doing okay? Should I get some cleaning done? Or should I chance it and get in a quick shower while she was asleep?

Deciding on the third option, I grabbed a light red shirt out of my dresser and jeans before closing the bathroom door behind me. My hand absently twisted the knob and the steady stream of water hit the porcelain tub in rapid succession before disappearing down the drain.

I stepped in a few minutes later, stopping here and there to listen to any sound or movement over the sound of rushing water just in case Eva woke up while I was in here. Lathering my hair gently, I rinsed thoroughly before moving on to conditioning it. The house would creak and I would stop and listen to make sure there were no approaching footsteps causing those sounds, although none came.

Rinsing off one more time, I finally shut the water off and wrapped the towel tightly around my hair and another around my body before realizing I had forgotten my phone sitting on top of the coffee table. Figuring it was safe to venture out, I walked out into the living room and grabbed it before deciding to pad down the hall to check on Eva. She was in the same exact position as before, except her head had moved down off the pillow.

I was more than happy she was still sleeping, so I retreated back to my room to finish changing and dried my hair. As I pulled my shirt over me, I reached over and finally clicked the home button on my phone. It immediately notified me I had a missed call from Natalie.

Hi, Hailey. I'm sorry I missed your call. The ED has been slammed up until about ten minutes ago, which didn't allow much time to check my phone during all this craziness. I know you said in your message that you had some questions and I would be happy to answer them. I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Figuring I would give it a little while before I called her back, I set my phone back on the coffee table and went to check up on Eva again. Pushing the door open with my index finger, I was surprised to see her awake and laying there in bed.

"Hey, you." I greeted her softly as not to startle her as I approached the bed. "I'm surprised you're awake. How are you feeling?"

"A little better. My stomach still hurts and I feel really tired." Letting out a yawn to back up how she was feeling as she rubbed at her eyes a few times.

"So your stomach isn't hurting much anymore or it is hurting worse than before?"

"It's a little better than before, but it still doesn't feel good."

"I know that sometimes when I was sick, I felt even worse because I wasn't eating anything. I'm not sure that's one hundred percent the case here, but I do know you haven't eaten since last night."

"What time is it?"

"Almost eleven-thirty." I sat down on the edge of the bed, running my fingers through her hair; mostly so I could check if she had a fever. "Think you're up to trying to eat something?"

"What if I throw it up?"

"Then we know we need to give your stomach a little more time to rest. How about some broth first, see if your stomach can handle it before we give you anything else?"

"Okay. Do I get to eat it in my room?" She perked up slightly, despite the fact that I knew how miserable she was feeling at the moment since she looked pale and was slightly warmer than earlier.

"I think being sick deserves a day in bed. I'll go heat up some broth for you."

"After I'm finished can you come lay by me?" She questioned, hesitating in anticipation of my response. The last time she had requested for me to be with her she had been nearly asleep already and I pushed away from the idea of waking her to comfort her. Now that she was asking again, I couldn't say no.

"I can." Moving some of her hair aside so it was sprawled across her pillow, I gave her a reassuring smile. I'll be back a few minutes."


	39. Spare You the Details

"Hailey Upton." Came my automatic response as I sat up from the couch, blinking back the morning sun filtering through the windows. It had been a long night up and up downs, so I decided after the third time she had called me in the middle of the night, I would sleep on the couch.

"What's going on? Will said you called Natalie yesterday but never called her back." Jay's tone was worried but understanding as he awaited my response. It took me a minute to gather what he meant, although I never remembered telling him about what was going on with Eva. The only other person I had called was Natalie.

"Eva got pretty sick yesterday. Whatever she has seems to have hit her pretty hard." I filled him in as he listened intently on the other end. "Her fever broke around two this morning, so hopefully the worst is over. Are Will and Natalie talking again?"

"To a certain degree. They were the ones who treated you that night you came into the ED, they have a reason to talk to each other. Since we're partners, Will was asking me how you were doing. It didn't take much to put two and together what he was getting at, so I thought I would check up on how things are going."

"I called her about Eva." I admitted, looking around at the thermometer and extra washcloths that were now scattered across the coffee table. I had spent many hours changing the cloth to help break her fever to get comfortable. Unfortunately, that didn't come until almost two this morning."

"What kind of sickness are we talking about here? Something serious?"

"At first I thought it was because of anxiety, like we had been talking about before. It still could be. But it never occurred to me she could have picked something up from school."

"Kids are germ magnets." He mentioned, although I had already gathered that from the articles I had read about children. "What do you need? Voight gave us the morning off so I'm free to help if you need anything."

"Honestly, I don't know what I need. I think we're on the tail end of this, at least I'm hoping we are." I caught myself on the fact that maybe I was jumping the gun, even though I was secretly hoping she was better and would finish recovering over the weekend so she wouldn't miss school. "Her fever broke around two this morning. I was reading up on what to give a child after a stomach bug."

"What did you come up with?"

"Maybe some dry toast and eggs. Or just eggs. I can hardly get her to eat anything."

"Loss of appetite is one of the first things to go when sick. Maybe try something she likes to eat." He suggested helpfully, which made sense if I could find something she really liked.

"I'll keep that in mind." I told him, although I already had something in mind. Pancakes may not be that horrible, if she was feeling up to eating them, although they may be heavy on an already sensitive stomach. "I'll see what she wants to do when she wakes up."

"Sounds good. You going to call Natalie back?"

"I think I will in a little while. I might need her on my side if this gets worse, or even at another time. I feel like I kind of dug myself into a hole on that one by calling her in the first place." Peering down the hall, I thought I heard Eva calling my name. "I think Eva is waking up, so I'm going to check up on her."

"Keep me updated." That was Jay's way of saying okay and letting me go, even though personally it sounded like an excuse to my own ears. "Let me know if you need anything."

"Hailey?" This time I definitely heard her voice echoing down the hall. She sounded sad but hopeful that I was somewhere nearby that I could hear her. Or maybe she was hearing bits and pieces of my conversation with Jay and knew that I was close.

"I will. I'll text you later." Hanging up, I pushed my phone into my back pocket, I stood up from the couch and walked down to Eva's room. I opened the door to see her still lying in bed. "I'm here. What's going on?"

"My head still hurts." Even through the darkness, I could still feel her pain as she held back the tears. I made my way carefully towards her, sitting on the edge of her bed as my hand rested against her forehead.

"Your head still hurts?"

"A lot. Like someone keeps poking me in the head." She poked her index finger softly in the middle of her forehead before placing it back by her side.

"Okay. What about your stomach? Is it still hurting?" I gestured to her stomach as she stayed covered in her bed. She frowned and nodded, contemplating what she was going to say next.

"A little. My stomach keeps making funny noises."

"You could be hungry. You haven't eaten anything since yesterday" I reminded her gently, stroking my fingers through her hair. "The good thing is you still don't have a fever, but I do want you to try to eat something."

"I am a little hungry. But what if I throw it all up?"

"Then we'll know your stomach is not ready. Tell you what, why don't we try some broth first?"

"What about the pancakes. Are we not going to make any?" Jutting out her bottom lip, she pulled it into a frown as she looked hopeful that I would change my mind. I had to admit, she did look cute when she was pouting. Even so, I wasn't about to clean up another round of puke.

"I was thinking about that, but I'm not so sure that's the best food after you've been throwing up."

"Please? I haven't puked since early this morning."

"Let's see how you hold down the broth, then I'll consider making pancakes."

"Fine." She relented, pulling the blanket up over her arms as I made my way out of the room.


	40. Widening the Circle

"One cup of broth, ready to drink." I pushed open her door with my foot. "I'm going to turn on the light so I can give this to you as it's still quite warm so make sure to blow on it." Hearing the blanket rustling beneath her, I saw her sitting up in bed as the light flipped on.

"Okay." As I looked her over, she still looked slightly pale but better than she had looked earlier in the I made sure she was holding onto the handle before giving the cup to her. She blew on the liquid softly for a few minutes, before taking a small sip. "It tastes pretty good. Kind of salty."

"It should help you feel better." Tilting my ear towards the door, I heard a slight rapping noise that I realized she hadn't picked up on. "I'll be right back. I didn't make you a lot, so try to drink it all." She nodded and I retreated down the hallway towards the door. "Natalie, what are you doing here?" I asked upon opening the door and stepping onto the patio.

"When you called me and weren't answering any of my calls, I called Jay to ask if you were around and he told me you were home this weekend. He then added if I wanted to know what was going on I would need to ask you."

"I'll admit things have been a little crazy lately." The word crazy seemed like an understatement considering that both mine and Eva's lives had changed in a matter of days, hers more than mine. "I think I needed the weekend off work to try and figure things out."

"Okay. So this has nothing to do with what happened with Ronald Booth?"

"Not in the way you think." I gestured for her to follow me to the door and kept my voice down since Eva was still resting. "A little over six years ago, I met a guy who I was originally paired up to take down Booth. We became more than friends and then we got her." Looking down the hall, I saw Eva's light was still on and decided it was better for her to see this one for herself.

Eva had placed the cup on top of the dresser, the paper towel underneath it. She was now half buried underneath her covers and was facing the wall as I snaked my hand around the corner to turn out the light and closed her door so we wouldn't end up disturbing her with our conversation.

"You have a daughter." Natalie stated as we walked up to the former living room and sat down to talk. "That's why you called."

"And the reason I haven't been answering my phone. She hasn't been feeling well since yesterday and I guess a part of me panicked and called you, even though she seems to be doing okay now."

"What are her symptoms?"

"Her stomach has been hurting ever since she arrived a little over a couple weeks ago. I thought it was because she was anxious about going to a new school, but it's continued ever since. She's been complaining about her stomach hurting, headache and she's been super lethargic since yesterday morning. I just gave her some broth to see if she can keep it down before feeding her anything else."

"Has she not been able to keep food down?"

"She's thrown up once so far but hasn't been awake or has an appetite enough to eat much." I thought back and realized she had hardly eaten anything since the weekend had begun. Not that I had opened up to Natalie, I hoped she could help navigate me to what was best to get Eva back to good health.

"What about fluids?"

"She's had a little but probably not enough. I still don't know what I'm doing."

"Most people don't." Natalie gave me a reassuring smile, which made me feel a little better about not knowing much yet about parenting."We all have to start off somewhere. Try not to be too hard on yourself."

"Thanks."

"Well, based on what you told me, there could be more going on but it's hard to tell without examining her. What I can tell you is that there are definitely germs and viruses always floating around during the time kids are in school, and since she's just beginning there, she could be picking up some germs she's never been exposed to. What school is she enrolled in?

"Adlai E. Stevenson Elementary."

"You know my son Owen just started kindergarten there. What's Eva's schedule look like now that you're working?"

"She goes to school until about three-thirty, and then stays in the after school program until I can pick her up at night. I'm staying home on the weekends until I can figure out a good schedule and somebody who can watch her while I'm working."

"That makes for a long day. So does she like the program?"

"I'm not sure she does. When I drop her off most days at school, she calls me later crying that her stomach hurts and she wants to go home. When I pick her up, she's sitting against the wall and is more than ready to leave long before I get there."

"Hmm. I'm sorry. As a doctor, I would definitely say her symptoms are worth getting checked out for both her stomach and whatever may be going on, especially if her symptoms are still present in a day or two. I would be glad to check her out, just let me know. Or I can refer you to a pediatrician if you want to do that."

"Can I think about it?"

"Yeah, no rush. If there is anything you need to help navigate parenthood, let me know." Natalie stood up as she grabbed her keys out of her purse. "You have my number if you need anything."

"I actually do have one question."

"Ask away."

"What do you do with your son while you're working?"

"I hired a nanny. She's a family friend and Owen absolutely adores her, which is a relief because I don't have to really worry about him while I'm away."

"Thanks Natalie."

"Take care of yourself and let me know if there's anything I can do." Adjusting the strap over her shoulder, she opened the door with a gentle smile and disappeared as she closed the door behind her.

"I will, thanks."


	41. Tell Me Something-Part I

"Hailey?" Eva's voice drifted through the darkness as I finally opened my eyes to the light filtering through the room. Last night had gone relatively fine, although the last time I had checked on her she still wasn't feeling great and her fever hadn't gone away yet.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" I noticed her hugging a small blanket in her arms and realized it was one I had bought a long time ago and had stashed away in the closet when I had moved. It was one I had expected to use before I decided to give her up for adoption. So it was ironic she had found it.

"My head still hurts a little. My stomach too. I still haven't thrown up." Her expression lightened a little as she hugged the blanket to her chest.

"That's good." Sitting up, I stretched my arms out in front of me to help further awaken me before reaching over to feel her forehead. "You still feel a little warm but not as much as yesterday. Are you hungry at all?"

"A little."

"Anything that sounds good to you?" I figured she would say pancakes since she had been begging me to make them, but her answer surprised me.

"Eggs?" She said a bit unsurely, but then after a few more seconds, she grew a little more confident with her decision. "Eggs sound good."

"We can do that." Pulling the covers back, I glanced over at the clock to see that it was just barely eight o'clock. I was happy to get up if that meant she was finally eating. The last thing she had was broth and when I came back into the room from talking to Natalie, she drank hardly anything before she was fast asleep again. "Scrambled?"

"Hailey?" Eva's voice drifted through the darkness as I finally opened my eyes to the light filtering through the room. Last night had gone relatively fine, although the last time I had checked on Eva she still wasn't feeling great and her fever hadn't gone away yet.

"Fluffy." She mused with a smile while I finished making the bed. "Sounds good." By the time I looked up from tucking in the sheet underneath the mattress she had already walked out of the room. When I came out, she was sitting at the table drawing a picture with her crayon. She never looked up as I walked past her bathroom to grab the thermometer. I wanted to keep an eye on her temperature, as well as before I gave her anything to eat or drink.

"What are you drawing over here?" I asked curiously, setting the thermometer on the counter while I brushed the hair away from her face so I could easily glide it across her forehead.

"It's you and me."

"It is?" I questioned as my glance flickered from the thermometer which had just flashed 99.6 across the screen before studying her drawing again. Her figures were once again outlined in black crayon. The taller one was wearing a red shirt and black pants, while the shorter figure was wearing a purple shirt and dark blue jeans."You did a good job."

"Thanks." Her words were quiet, but she continued to draw pieces of grass around the feet of the two figures, then a variety of red and yellow flowers. "Do I have to go to school tomorrow?"

"Not if you still have a fever."

"But you still get to stay home with me, right?" Her words were full of apprehension of not knowing what was going to happen next as she set the red crayon down on her paper.

"I might have to. We'll see how you're feeling later on today." Leaving the thermometer next to her, I went around to the sink to wash my hands and dried them off on the towel sitting by the edge of the basin. She continued to color small red hearts around the figures as I grabbed a bowl from the cabinet and cracked three eggs into it before whipping it around with a fork.

"Were you talking to someone yesterday? I got so sleepy waiting for you to come back."

"I was talking to my friend, Natalie."

"Natalie?" She scrunched up her nose at the unfamiliar name as I laughed quietly at her reaction. Little did she know, she was going to hear a lot of names as soon as I introduced her to the team "Who's that?"

"She's a doctor." Pouring the eggs into the pan, I saw her head shoot up from the corner of my eye. "She came over to make sure everything was okay."

"Why?"

"I don't know if you remember when you first came here, I was a little cut up."

"Kind of?" I could tell she was trying to think back to that time, although it felt like it had already been a long time since she came to live with me. "Did someone hurt you?"

"They did."

"Oh. Did you hurt them back?"

"I did a little. He was someone we've been trying to arrest for a very long time."

"What did he do?" I still didn't know how to answer that question if that's what she was alluding to. "If you arrested him that means he did something really bad?"

"Yes, he did a lot of bad things, but now he's in jail so he can't hurt anyone again."

"Good." She went back to drawing, then stopped again mid-stroke with the red crayon in her hand, like she was going to say something else but decided against asking and went back to work on adding a few more details to her drawing while the eggs were cooking.

"Milk or water?" I walked across the room to the cabinet to grab a couple of plates and glasses out of the cabinet.

"Water, please." I filled up the glass from the fridge and put it on the counter next to her and grabbed the other glass and plates from the counter. "You said your friend was a doctor. What kind of doctor?"

"She's a pediatrician."

"A pediatrician?"

"She mostly sees children but she's also an emergency room doctor so she takes care of adults here and there too."

"Like you?"

"Like me. Why don't you put your drawing and crayons in your room? It's almost time to eat."

"Okay." Gathering all her crayons that were scattered around the counter, she put them back in the box and hopped off the stool. By the time she came back, I had her egg dished up and set up right where she had been sitting.


End file.
